Your heart is my heart

Time for Church and Ice cream

2008-06-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

We had spent many days now with the girls and they were getting used to us. We had gone shopping in Stavropol. Mom seemed to enjoy herself...and was getting to know the girls. They were loud, funny, but they were very obedient too. We were starting to get ready for court. Michael, our translator spent a lot of time with us, mostly Vinny - explaining what and how to answer things in court. He told us exactly how to answer things and not to answer things. He told us what they were looking for and what they were not looking for. We were trying to be as prepared as we could be.

We regularly saw Aliana's family - her Aunt and Uncle - and it was nice. Vinny actually got to do some split's with the missionaries, and we met the couple he went to do the splits for. They were an older couple, very nice, and very very Russian. =). Vinny point out asked this gentleman why he was not yet baptized. He chuckled, and really didn't have an answer. We absolutely loved our missionaries over there. They were so key in helping us translate to the girls.

We were actually going to church over there. We had the translators tell the girls. Cami was not allowed to go, (grrr) but the other girls were with us constantly now so they got to go. We met at a small hotel, in a room, and I was overwhelmed when we walked in. There were maybe 20 people who were there at this small branch, living the gospel and following the guidelines of the church. They were so excited when they saw us, they excitedly announced that the DiGirolamo's (and the American's) would be speaking that day. Well, that scared Aliana and Nikki to tears. They thought they had to get up and speak too!! We reassured them that they didn't have too. I was scared!! My mom was such a trooper. The Bishop was just a young man, who had such a huge spirit. In this part, it fufilled a part of my patriarichal blessing, where it stated that "one day it would be my high honor to bear my testimony to the peoples of the earth that Jesus is the Christ". I was so touched. Well, the meeting started, and my mom got up - then me, and then Vinny. Nikki started to cry and complain of a toothache..so we didn't get to stay for all meetings. We had to take her to the dentist. But before we left, a lady who was around 60, came up and honest to pete, she asked Vinny to take home her grandson. Apparently she was raising him, and he was hard on her, and she just couldn't do it! She was VERY serious in her request. Vinny was dumbfounded. Take him home?? Just like that??? Oh, that's not how it worked. She was so very disappointed, almost rude when she found out we couldn't take him home. She really wanted to "give him to us". Vinny's advice to her was to keep him there and keep him active and raise him up to be a good person/ Elder in the church because they would need good people to run the church over there. She really didn't like that answer either. He tried to explain how hard it was to adopt, but she turned a deaf ear to it after that. That was one experience that really got to me. To just try and give someone away. I know she wanted the best for him - but she was that willing just to up and let him go THEN. At anyrate - I got to bear my testimony in a little hotel room in Stavropol Russia, that Jesus was the Christ, and that I had a testimony. How cool is that?

We took Nikki to the dentist, it was like going back in time. It looked like 1940. The equipment was old, they had no painkillers at all, they just went in and filled a cavity without deadning it at all. UGH. I felt very sorry for her.

We were almost ready for our court day. Anything could happen, we were warned, but if it went well, we could walk out with three little girls. The next night, we took the girls out for ice cream, and just sat on the street watching people. An old woman with a broom swept leaves up with a homemade broom. It was very interesting.

Dried Fish and the three girls who adore them

2008-05-03T15:10:00.000-07:00

So the next day we get to have all the girls together again. And we decide to walk down some of the streets of Stavropol. Suddenly, we heard excited chattering amongst the girls, and we were startled as we watched them discover DRIED FISH for sale!!! They ran to us and begged us if they could have some. Aliana was most persistent, with the others right behind her. So, we took the money out, and bought them each one dried fish. They immediately tore into it with their teeth, and LOVED it!! We stopped and took pictures of them eating the dried firsh, and they posed.

They tried to get us to eat it - NOT. Vinny was so much more of a sport than I was. We also bought some kind of crabs? or something for later at the hotel. The girls were so so excited!!! Back we went with our treasures, and the girls munching on that fish as if there were no tomorrow the whole time! EWWWWWWH!! I'm so glad Vinny was such a good sport, but I have to say, I got into it back at the hotel. I DID try it, and the small "crabs".

The girls stunk to high heaven, but it was a highlight of our trip. To see them SO happy, and so content just eating fish, really warmed my heart.

Miss Cami plays a costly trick

2008-04-27T08:36:00.000-07:00

After lunch - Cami went back to the orphanage for her nap. We were notified that the director had relented, and she would be able to spend some time with us that evening. We were overjoyed!

The two missionaries that we had met showed up later that evening when we had all three girls. It was really fun. We had them give the first discussion, and then watch in amazement as the girls asked questions. THey had never heard of Christ or Heavenly Father or the Holy Ghost. It was really a special time for us. Also - we had written down some house rules, and the missionaries translated those for us while the girls played with their barbies. They would answer the questions and seemed to really understand what was expected of them. We were VERY happy just being with them.

After the missionaries left, Aliana's Aunt, Uncle and sister came for a bit. It was nice visiting them, and they were so nice, making sure we had addresses and small gifts. They were very thoughtful. We spent about an hour visiting with them, and the girls just played and jabbered in Russian. It was beautiful. Too soon, however, our extra translator and chaufffer came to pick up Cami to take her back to her orphanage. We let her go with hugs and kisses and promises that on the morrow she would be back with us, and be in our arms and have lots of fun. She did not want to go, but obediently did as she was told.

The next morning, we got the girls ready for a fun day. We were so happy to be with them. We couldn't wait to be with little Cami again, and had to wait at the hotel for our translators to come and get us.

They showed up and knocked on the door. Luba was her name, and she was different this time. She was very curt. She told us we could not have Cami that day. "What"???? we cried?? She then informed us that Cami had been hurt in our presence the night before, she had hurt her ankle bad and had had to go to the hospital. We were stunned. Cami had not been hurt. We frantically went over in our minds what would have hurt her. Nothing. We were stumped. We tried to explain to Luba that Cami was fine with us, but we were ignored, and we were told that the orphanage wanted to talk to us about the "incident". GLADLY. There had been no "incident".

A few hours later, we were at Cami's orphanage in the directors office. We explained through translators that Cami was just fine the night before, and she was not hurt in anyway. She looked down her nose at us, and told us that Cami had come home hurt, (a HUGE allegation - one that could cause us to lose all the children) and complained of us hurting her ankle.

I don't know why - but I suddenly insisted on seeing Cami. I wanted to see for myself this "injury'. I kept insisting until they finally frankly got sick of me? I don't know. But finally we were allowed out back where the children were playing outside.

Cami indeed had her ankle wrapped with some gauze. Big deal. It kept falling off. She RAN to us when she saw us. She said "Mama", and took me by the hand, and started doing tricks for me on the monkey bars. HMMMM. If a child had an injury, how could she run and jump so well?? We sat there for over an hour and watched the girls play with Cami. She certainly was just fine.

The director was red in the face as she called the translator back, and we got told the news that we could take her for the rest of the day!!! HAHAHAHHA! We were so so happy! The first thing we did, was find out what had happened. Cami, anxiously explained that she didn't want to leave us, so she made up a story of getting hurt, hoping she would be able to stay WITH us, and much to her chagrin, it had worked against her. Poor thing. But now we had all the girls together again - and we we were walking down the road - admiring things, and suddenly, the girls spied DRIED FISH.

Wait for THAT story. It's next!

Playing with the girls - and meeting Oskana

2008-04-26T11:32:00.001-07:00

It was morning. The girls had slept well that night. Vinny and I looked at each other and smiled. The girls were so excited at the hotel, they had been into everything. They had giggled and fussed over the simplest of things. We let them play and play until they were spent, which didn't take long. They were pretty spent.

Soon, our phone call came, that we could spend the day with Cami. This was going to be the first time that we would have all of us together. Grandma, us, and the girls. How exciting!!

We had to wait in the hotel room. After breakfast (which we had made sure we had bought at a grocery store the night before), the waiting game began. We didn't have to wait long. Pretty soon we got a knock on the door, and we were led down the hall to go to the Van.

We showed the girls Stavropol. We knew it somewhat at this point. When we got to the Detsky Dom, the girls were allowed in with us. Yeah! We went in to claim our littlest one.

This orphanage was very strict and not so kind. We were only allowed to take Cami for a few hours and not ever for overnight. Not until we had the court date, that was. We were disappointed, but at least she lived close by, so we felt better about that. Apparently, as you will see in a bit, Miss Cami did not! I will explain in a while.

We took the girls back the "zoo". There were also carnival rides and bungee rides. We also saw the missionaries again, and made arrangements for the girls to be taught the first discussion at the hotel that night!! How cool was that??? We were SO excied! The girls rode in cars, looked at animals, and walked around. They had a blast. We took them to a restaurant similar to McDonalds to eat lunch. Their stamina was high, they wanted to play and be everywhere! Aliana was really really good to help us translate to people. She helped us get our correct money back and it was amazing. It was if she had the gift of tongues, and knew what was being said, even though she didn't have clue. It was amazing.

Cami started getting tired around one pm. This was right after we ate. Just before we took her back to the Destky Dom for a nap,, we got a startling phone call. You see, in Russia, if a member of a family does not approve of an adoption, they can stop it. Well, we were notified at lunch, that Aliana's immediate Aunt and Uncle who had adopted her youngest sister, Oksana, were there in Stavropol and wanted to meet us right then. Would we wait?????

Our hears stopped. We didn't know the cause for the visit. Was it to wish Aliana well? Was it to talk her out of going with us? We just didn't know!! We said a quick prayer, and Vinny said "Yes, let them come'. We waited with nervous trepidition.

They showed up ten minutes later, the Aunt a round jovial woman, and the uncle, shy, but thoughtful. Oksana and Aliana ran to each other, each crying hard. It was a hard moment. We were overjoyed, when we learned that they approved of us, and told us that Aliana had not wanted to be adopted by them when she was younger, and in fact had been sent back to the orphanage because of it. (She was waiting for us!!). They asked if they could see us later, we said yes, and gave them our address. They were and are wonderful people. They finally left, but they kept telling the translator that Aliana looked like me. That made me happy. =). It was time to take the wee one back for her nap.

Time for Aliana and Nikki to say goodbye forever to their Detsky Dom

2008-04-25T10:14:00.000-07:00

The time had come. We were finally herded together, and suddenly, out of the blue, we realized that Aliana's two older sister's, Luba and Angela had been notified of the adoption, and had been sent to the orphanage to say their goodbyes. I don't remember which one, but one was NOT happy at all - (I don't blame her) and she cried and cried and cried. (They both cried). I tried to translate that we would be good to her, and give her a good home... it was obvious that Aliana wanted to be with us, and loved us, but she was so torn with her sister's there. With Nikki, it was somewhat different. Svet wasn't anywhere to be seen, and Natasha watched nervously until the end, and so just before we left, I hugged her and NIkki together, and pulled my watch off and gave it to her. She was crying then, and it was breaking my heart. Just before we got in the van to leave, another surprise!! We found out that both times we had been there, Aliana had a brother there named Hassan. He was thirteen!!! So, I marched him over and had him hug his sister goodbye also. Parting was such bitter sorrow for Aliana. Now, for NIkki - she just hopped in the van. She wanted OUT. She was so ready to go. It was like, "C'mon you guy's, lets GO!".

We finally got Aliana away from her sisters and got a group shot with the orphanage. Then we got in the van and we left. It was late, and Aliana sang to us all the way back. I think I wrote that already in another posting. She cried a little, but held on for dear life. We all felt relief. We did get pulled over by the Russian police at one point for quite a while, we were nervous, it was dark, and so we prayed. We were basically in the middle of nowhere. Finally, they left. We were at an old gas station, so we allowed the girls to run in for some drinks and treats. How they enjoyed that!

We got back to the hotel very late, and everyone was very tired. The girls would not be ours for about five - seven more days in Russian court, but the orphanage had been VERY kind, and had let the girls go at the point, so we wouldn't have to keep traveling the three hour ride every day back to see the girls while we were there. So technically, at that point, we were parents!! It felt so good! Tomorrow, we had an appointment to go see Cami. We were so tired, but before we went to bed, we showed the girls how we prayed. We saw smiles and giggles, they didn't know what to do, but the Spirit was strong, and they were very obedient. How lucky we were.

More to follow.....

Finally seeing the girls before they become officially ours - and two more girls who literally broke my heart.

2008-03-28T13:40:00.001-07:00

We got to spend a lot of time with Cami that day. We played ball with her outside the orphanage, and she was so happy. She was excited, and seemed to understand what was going on. During this time, one of her instructers came and got her and explained to her again that she would be going with us. She got a bit weepy again - but quickly overcame it. We just had too much fun.

We were taken into the Director's office, where they waited for "money". It was custom for them to receive a token of appreciation for an adoption. We were told Cami would not be able to spend the night with us, like we had hoped, and we were not very happy about that. What helped us was knowing she was about seven days away from being ours.

Saying goodbye to her was bittersweet once more, but this time I was at least there, and knew she would be going home with us. So we returned to the hotel to talk about our adventures of the day, and to do some site seeing in Stavropole. It was fun taking Mom and showing her the sites. We found where the church would be held on Sunday and determined to take the girls to church with us.

We would be on our way to Bolsha Dolhgha in the morning to collect Nikki and Aliana. Technically - they didn't have to release them until the day of court - but it was a three hour ride both ways - so we prayed fervently that they would release the girls to us that next day. We were so frustrated. We waited until about three or four pm until they finally took us to see our girls. Alex had us stopping at a bunch of orphanages dropping of paperwork. That will forever haunt me. We saw rows and rows of children "lying down, taking naps" on cots - up to the age of about fourteen. (We had to use the bathroom - and were directed to a couple of holes in the ground while we waited for Alex.) We were a bit put out with him because we could have been with the girls - and it seemed he just had too many other things he tried to tie in the day with. UGH. Finally - we were off.

As we finally got close to the familiar looking village - seriously looked like "fiddler on the roof", some ducks ran out into the road. Alex the driver did not stop or miss a beat. He hit one, feathers were flying every where. Someone had duck for dinner that night! People from the village saw us coming and started coming out of the houses, and walking to the orphanage. Suddenly, we were greeted with a yell, and a HUGE company of children running towards us, waving. I couldn't see Nikki or Aliana yet, but there were so many children!! As we slowed down, and got out of the van, I looked around, and finally I saw something that I will never forget. I saw the two of the most beautiful girls running towards me as fast as they could, hair in french braids, faces rubbed as clean as they could be, all in old but clean clothes that matched one another. I held my arms out, and Nikki made it first, diving head first into me and just holding on for dear life. Aliana was a close second, with tears running, and much hugs and kisses. I introduced them to Babushka, who in turn was crying. "Pops" as they called Vinny - also got his share of hugs and kisses. We were tugged and pulled into the orphanage, and there sat the PIANO!!! They were all shouting at me to play it - in Russian of course. Alex translated, and I obliged them. I played everything I knew, and they seemed to be a captive audience. Suddenly - two little girls around nine years old, (Vika and Nastia) grabbed me, and tugged my shirt. They shyly pulled me away, and gave me two of the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen in my life. I remembered them from the first time I had been to the orphanage. They had been shy - but hopeful. They remained by my side ever so much. So now, I hugged them close to me, and told them thank you - "Spaciba". And - broken Russian - I love you, "Ya tya bila bleu" in Russian... I tried to hold them close, and to my utter heartbreaking saddness, they started to wail and moan, and ran as fast as they could, crying their hearts out. How they wanted to come home with me!!!!! I will NEVER forget that. I cried and cried and cried. For days and weeks and months after I saw their faces. I STILL think of them, and if I could go find them, I WOULD. All they want is a Mama and a Papa, with a family to love!!!! It makes me so so sad..

More to come...

The time has come!!

2008-03-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

So now the time has come. We are so excited we can't stand it. Mom flew in from Utah, and then we flew to NYC. We flew from JFK to Moscow. What a hectic airport that was!! It was tension filled, and we were so ready to go, but almost frantic, hoping we hadn't forgotten one thing. After many hours, and a delay, we finally were in the air.

I reflected back on the seven months that had started and been this process. What once had seemed an eternity, now was flying by me - going ever so fast. I was amazed. Could this really be happening?? Was I really about to become the mother to three little girls?

After many long hours, we finally made it to Moscow. It was as the same as before, where we had to wait in line for our passports to be recorded. It took hours. Sergey was there again to help us and transport us back and forth to hotels. We stayed in Moscow for a day and a half. He made sure we got checked in again to the Marriott hotel. We were exhausted, but we went and saw Lenin's tomb, and Kremlin's Square - changing of the guards, etc. Mom was such a champ. Remember, she had just had shots in her back, and I was worried about her. I truly tried to be there for her every need.

We got Mom her own suite so she could have her own privacy. We were so excited that night. Vinny and I talked late into the night - it was magical. We were so thankful to be there, and so anxious to see the girls. We would get to see Cami in the morning,

We nervously boarded those small crappy planes again in the morning. Sergey was there to big us goodbye. We had so much luggage it was hard to sit in his car. We were packed like sardines. The three hour flight was un-eventful.

We got to Stavropol bright and early and Alex and Mike were there to meet us again. We were immediately taken to our hotel - a different one than we had stayed at before - with a little suite for Mom. It was perfect. We waited about an hour, and then they came to get us to take us to see Cami.

We got to her orphanage, and I was so so excited. I talk WAY too much and way too fast when I am excited and that day was no different. I had to silently remind myself several times to SLOW down as we waited for her. We were finally ushered in to see the Director. The Director was stuffy and cold. She took her sweet time and we waited anxiously - and I was hot - sweating again because of no air conditioning. Finally - Alex told us they sent for Cami.

A few minutes later, Cami came RUNNING into the room. She was scolded to slow down, but I held my arms out, and she ran to them. I had tears and hugged her. She grinned a toothy grin, several teeth were loose. I looked at my Mom - she was crying. "Vika" I said. "Babushka". (grandmother). Cami jumped up - ran to my Mother, and snuggled right in her lap. That was it. The bond was instantly and forever made. It was one of the sweetest moments of my llife. Cami and my Mother adored each other instantly. I was such a blubbering fool. But a happy one at that.

So much more to write....

Miracles of Miracles!!!!

2008-03-03T10:13:00.000-08:00

I ended up going to Utah Sept 2nd, 2003. Casey and Whitney bought me a ticket to go out and see them and surprise everyone. It was really fun - except that I surprised my dear mother who had just had her 35 prolotherapy shots in her back. She was so happy to see me, that when she stood up, she almost fainted. I felt so bad. But it was a great fun time and I was so happy for the opportunity to be out there with my kids and family.

While I was in Utah- Vinny ended up in the hospital with severe muscle spasms in his back. He had them so bad that he couldn't even move! I felt helpless - I couldn't be home for a couple of days. But I was glad Morgan was with him.

So - then another tragedy strikes. Terrorists again in Russia (Chechnya) rush a school very similar to Aliana's and Nikki's, and hold it hostage for three days. It is like an oven in there. The pictures they send out of there are gruesome. The kids are so hot, they are taking their clothes off. Some have already died. At the end of three days, 350 people, mostly children have died. This is not too far from where my girls are. I am sick with worry. Once again I am on my knees, pleading with my Heavenly Father for a court date to get those girls out of Russia. I was able to go to the Temple in Utah - much prayers were offered there. I don't understand why people in this world have to be so cruel, so mean. so heartless?!! During this whole procedure, I have felt an urgency to get those girls out of Russia as soon as possible. I don't know why. I just have.

Even though i love being in Utah, my heart was in Virginia with Vinny and Morgan. I was really worried about hm. I got back home, and we got Vinny well. We were still waiting for our court date. We kept praying with urgency. We felt like we were really getting down to the wire.

AND THEN!!!

MIRACLES OF MIRACLES!!!

WE GET OUR COURT DATE!!!!

We travel to Russia on September 22 - with a court date of Sept 27th, and the girls will be ours!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU, HEAVENLY FATHER!!! Suddenly, we are like giddy teenagers, racing against the clock, running to get everything in order. We had to have every piece of clothing, every visa - every EVERYTHING ready for those girls. I was beyond elated. We were going to become parents again!!

We called the girls on Sept 11th and let them know that we were finally coming. They seemed excited, and scared. A perfect reaction. I had the worst headaches that week. The stress of it all was incredible.

I am so grateful - the time is at hand. We go to London first - then on to Moscow. Once again, we ask, Heavenly Father, to please bless and protect us.

Just writing -

Fighting
Why?
Terrorists
Why
Why now?
When I want nothing more
Than to travel
To Russia
For one purpose
My daughters,
Yes, it's true they
Came from different
Mothers.
But America calls
The home of the free
The land of the brave
So,
For now,
Be Strong,
God is ever near - watching
O'r you
Until that
Glorious day
When five hearts
Will melt
Into
One heart
Your forever Father
And I
Love you so
And we will not be
Saparated again.
For we love you
More than life
And that's
One thing -
A Terrorist
Doesn't
Understand.

Ok - So now we bought the van for the girls - and we love it - hence the picture - and we are READY TO GO GET THE GIRLS!!!
YEEEEEEE HAAAAAAW!

Walk a mile in my shoes

2008-03-01T07:28:00.000-08:00

While the waiting continued - I have to tell you what was going on in my life. Before we had decided to adopt the girls, I had to have bunion surgery - a simple procedure, correct? NOT. With me, my body seems to reject anything and everything that is done with and to it. So - I had to have surgery done twice. I had to have screws put in my foot - my foot rejected them. They ended up taking the screws out - and while they were at it- they operated on my pinky toe -(same foot- right foot) to take out a piece of the bone that I had broken a year before. BAD break. My foot just was not healing. I had to wear a foot boot for over a year - and then while waiting for the girls, I wore a foot shoe for eight months. To this day, my right foot is swollen, and larger than my other foot. Any way- I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to walk in Russia. How we fasted and prayed that my foot would heal before we left!!

I finally decided to get a second opinion. Vinny had left for an out of town meeting, and just Morgan and I were at home. I went to this new guy - and he gave me some steroid injection shots into my feet. I remember thinking :"OUCH" cause I'm such a baby anyways. HAHA. But on the 25 minute drive home - all of a sudden I had horrific pains shooting down my leg- to the point that I thought I was going to have to pull over. By the time I got home, I was crying like there was no tomorrow.

I have never felt such pain in my life. Well, yes, I probably have. I have lived in chronic pain most of my adult life... but that's another story in and of it'self. But at that particular time, it was so bad, it was like I couldn't breathe. I was so panicked. Vinny wasn't home, and I knew I needed the priesthood. I called my home teacher, Brother Whitesides, and he immediately came with someone, I don't remember who. But I do remember the blessing. In the blessing, he commanded my body to heal instantly, and told me that my body was to be preserved at this time, that I had children to raise yet on this continent and another! His words were so powerful. I understood instantly how sick I was - and how much my Heavenly Father loved me!

I went to the hospital - I was told my adrenal glands had started to shut down - but that for some reason (and they were very perplexed)... they were working now - and I was very sick - but I would be ok. I cried, but I cried because I felt the power of the priesthood. Morgan needed me, my children who were moved out - married or not needed me - and my soon to be new daughters needed me. I was told this could have been potentially fatal. I was shaking so hard. I have never felt that bad. Well - then again.... lol... Thank you, Heavenly Father.

In the days that followed we did have all our paperwork approved and we were just playing the waiting game. I wrote down some thoughts that I had at this time in my journal.

"Heavenly Father, please bless me to continue to heal, that I might go get our daughters as soon as time permits. Let it be speedy. Let no acts of terrorism mar our way, that we may travel with full safety and assurance. These precious girls need us, and I need them. They need their brothers and their sisters here, their grandma and grandpa, their granddad and nana.
Such changes. I pray for Amy (my daughter in law) to be healthy with this new baby she is carrying. How precious is this new life!

Heavenly Father, I beseech thee - to heal this illness that has me bound. I want to be well for the girls. I want to be their mother. I want to raise them. I want to teach them correct gospel principles. I want to liven with my Vinny - with Morgan and do good things.

The very next day - two Russian airliners crahsed outside Moscow. This was Aug 25 2003. They were the planes like we were on when we flew to Stavropol. It was determined it was an act of terrorism. (It was interesting that just the day before in my journal I had wrote about not worrying about terrorism.) We are not going to let us determine that this will halt our trip in any way. We grieve for the families - but realize that these daughters are ours, and we need to bring them home."

It is interesting to me to go back and read these journal entries.

Miracles and Grandma's (My Mother)

2008-02-23T08:25:00.000-08:00

We were still waiting for Aliana's INS approval. We felt it was taking so so long. We had no idea what to do - so we asked Heavenly Father for a miracle, We had to wait it out. We prayed, fasted, everything. They don't provide any phone numbers for INS - you have no way of getting in contact with anyone. Well, I was bound and determined to get my paperwork, and told my sweetheart as such. I asked him to fast with me. So - we fasted on a Sunday - and on Monday -we got a call from a gal at INS! She said - "I don't know how your file ended up on my desk, and I don't normally do this, but tell me your situation, and I will see if I can help." We were flabbergasted. She listened to us, and then said she would have it to us within two weeks - due to the fact that she was going on vacation for two weeks. Do miracles still exist. I say yes!! THANK YOU, HEAVENLY FATHER!

After that, we felt confident that we would get the desired paper work, so we fervently started to get things in order to go. I kept thinking about Cami - and her connection with her "babushka," the only woman who had ever been kind to her in her life. Her dear Grandmother. I started to wonder if it would be a good idea to ask my mom if she wanted to go with us to Russia.

Now - you have to know my mom. I absolutely ADORE my mom. She is the Edith to my Dad's Archie (only my Dad is not even close to being like Archie.) My Mom is just so funny and silly and she forgets things and ...well.. the list could go on and on and on. She really hadn't been out of Utah much - I think she had been to Idaho a few times and maybe Wyoming? I am honestly not sure where else. OH - I know she went to Yellowstone - when she was pregnant with me, but that's Wyoming. At any rate - she's just a good old Utah born and raised girl.

So I asked her if she wanted to go to Russia with me. I didn't know what her reaction would be. I didn't think she knew either. She got quiet and a bit nervous and told me she would have to think it over. She told me later that she was very excited and just needed to talk to my dad. But you see - here was ANOTHER miracle.

My mom had been diagnosed with spinal stenosis. Her back had been bothering her for quite a long time, and she was having problems walking and sitting. She was worried that she wouldn't be able to sit or walk for very long. So - one week before we left, she had what is called "PROLOTHERAPY" and had thirty five shots injected into her back. She was down for a few days, but miracles of miracles, she was up and ready to go on this trip of a life time to bring her little granddaughters home. I guess you never know all your Hero's in your life -they just happen as you go along. My Mother is now one of the biggest Hero's I have. She showed me such strength, such determination, such courage and charity. And, throughout it all - she was still my mom. The girls took to her like you wouldn't believe, but that's for a different story. Mom - I LOVE YOU. More than you will ever know. And I would like to thank you for showing me the "better part" and teaching me the right way and loving me through everything. You and Dad, are my HERO'S!

So - we all went and got our Visa's - and got ready to go. I still was determined that these children were to come soon. I KNEW they would. For some reason - I felt that they were to be home with us - and not there. I already felt like a mother hen with her wings spread out - trying to protect her children, ready to peck at anyone that tried to stop me or hurt my children. Also - for some reason, these girls felt like MINE. It didn't really even seem like adoption, other than we had to wait. They were MINE.

We soon got a call that was disturbing. Irene (who owned the adoption agency) told us that the Russian Judge would be out of town on vacation from Sept 7-20. That meant we could not settle a court date until the end of September or first of October. I was very upset about that, because my son Mike was coming off his mission from Concepcion, Chile at the end of Oct, and we were going to Utah to see him come home, and the agency knew this. We were so shocked. We had planned on getting the girls before school. We decided to put our faith and trust once again in Heavenly Father and pray with "exceeding faith" that we would somehow get a court date. (This was found out Aug 12th)

We find a translator!

2008-02-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

Ok. So now we are home. Back to the normal things of the day. But it just isn't normal anymore. We had to feel out so much more paperwork for Aliana. And there were still other papers to be apostilled, and notorized. Let me explain apostille to you.
It's the notorization of the notary by the state. It validates that the notary is legitimate. Any document that Russia required from us, they required it to be apostilled. Every copy had to have it's own apostille. It was like ten - fifteen bucks a shot - just for that! We were very lucky in finding a very good woman named Karen, who became our lifesaver for notary. We didn't have to pay her - or that would have been even more expensive. OUCH. The headache of it all makes me want to go take an excederin right now!

One of the things we had to do to prepare for the girls, was to go to INS (Us citizenship) and get visa's for the girls. There was always so much to do. Well - at this particular time, we had no one that we knew of to help us call Russia and talk to the girls. I was more than determined to do that. I didn't want those girls to think for one minute that I went there to give them false hope, and would never be back.

Well - we went to the INS department in Washington, DC. We were living in Stafford, Va at the time. So- off we went to fight the traffic on I95 (UGH) and went in (one of several trips for government related issues for the girls). While we were there, we were sitting there talking. I have always been someone who loves to watch people, and watch what is going on around me. BOY! This place was a literal melting pot. I saw so many different races, people from all walks of life, people it seemed from every corner of the earth. It was so amazing to me. See - I lived in Utah my whole life - and other than a quick trip to Idaho - or Wyoming (for fireworks) or Arizona in High school - and once I flew to California when I was pregnant with my oldest, but other than that - I never went anywhere until I married Vinny. So to see all these cultures and beautiful faces, rugged faces, faces that told stories, was amazing to me.

As we sat there, I noticed an old woman with a very old scarf on, like the women in Russia wear. Her attire was that of a Russia woman. She had clean clothes, but they were very worn and thin. She sat stoically with her white hair and cane. Next to her sat a man around forty, looking much older I assumed than his actual years. Next to him sat a young girl around the age of fourteen and with her were some young boys. I listened to them talking, as we were sitting right by them, and I immediately wondered if they were speaking Russian. So - you know me - I had to find out. I turned to the little girl and asked her where they were from. She told me Russia - I don't remember the part now. She was tall for her age, and pretty with dark hair. Her clothes were old, and she looked like some of the kids I saw in the Orphanage.
She smiled, and we introduced ourselves. She told me her name was Vika. Vika!!! That was Cami's Russian name, short for Victoria. I asked her where they were living. Seems they had just moved here, and they were there with the old woman from her Russian Church, applying for work permits? Or something like that. Well, all we had was time, so we struck up a conversation. She had a really cute accent. I told her my story of going to Russia and adopting the girls. She was really, really interested in that. She gave us a lot of information of orphaned kids. She told us that people in Russia really looked down on you if you were in an orphanage. They thought you were the lowest of low. That made my heart literally break!! They were the outcasts of society, and that's just how it was. People tried to avoid them, and when the children/teenagers were old enough to fend for themselves, the director of the orphanage was directed to take them, and drop them off in some city where they would have a hard time getting back to the orphanage. They were left with the clothes on their backs. I was horrified. And yes, I cried. I couldn't imagine my girls, let alone any girls or boys having to do this over there. I thought of Nikki's sisters and brothers I saw - and I was sick. But I let her talk on - wanting to find out any and all I could about situations over there.

After speaking awhile, I asked her where they lived. They lived about 45 minutes from us. I asked her if she would like to earn some money for me. She hesitated - and then I explained that I needed a translator to help me call the girls. If she could help - I would call her first - get her on the phone - and then call the orphanages - and then she could talk to the girls and tell me what they said back. She went to her father to ask permission. He looked very gruff, not so much as a smile, and I was somewhat disheartened. But she soon came back with the news that she would be able to do it. Vinny got up and went and shook her Father's hand. I think that really helped - and as Vinny tried to communicate somewhat with the father, Vika gave me her number. From then on I had a translator! I paid her twenty - sometimes forty dollars to help me. She was so sweet and kind, and it was wonderful. I remember that when we started calling the kids, she would laugh so cute at the things they would say. At first - the girls couldn't believe we were calling them. Aliana was always the loudest and boldest, Nikki was so shy - but didn't ever want to hang up the phone. She would sit there all day if we let her, and ask questions, to which she would boringly answer "dah" - to each and everything that was said. (Dah means yes). Aliana was serious, on the other hand, no monkey business. "When are you coming to get us"? she would shout into the phone. We tried to explain about the paperwork, and visa's and such, and I'm not sure of how much they even understood (until we got them here and they started speaking in English and we found out for sure). And then Cami. She was at a different orphanage, and they weren't so nice there. Sometimes they would not let me talk to her. Sometimes - it was so funny- they would get her - and you could here her little cute voice (she is really girly girly - high pitched) and she would say "Mama?" "Papa"? Then we would here giggling, and Vika (our translator) would really try to get her to open up. She really didn't understand much being only six at the time, so we just told her over and over again that her American Mama and Papa loved her so so much. She seemed to delight in that.

When we had left the girls in Russia, we left Nikki and Cami with a book of photos of their new brothers and sisters, and their new home. They had pictures of their bedrooms, and the dog, Chloe- and everything. We went over and over each picture with them very carefully. Nikki ended up sharing her book with Aliana for the time being. When we brought the girls home, it was upsetting - all of the toys and clothes had been left with the orphanage. We had to bring clothes back with us - and the girls were literally changed at the time they were handed off to me. I got VERY lucky - and got to keep Aliana's and Nikki's outfits they had on that day. Not so for Cami - but they did let me keep her shoes. Everything went to the Orphanage.

So - I had my life-line in Vika. About a month after using her- she went to some sort of a camp for a month, and didn't tell me she was leaving. I was so upset, and worried that the girls would think that I didn't want them anymore. Fortunately, I found one man in our ward that spoke Russian fluently!!! He was so willing and ready to help - so yeah!! Now I had a back up. All my girls in Russia were also sent to a "summer camp" for a month. So for one whole month - I had no communication with them at all. I would call dutifully every Sunday. I would always say "Americana Mama, don't hang up the phone'- only I had learned to say it in Russian. You don't know how many frustrating phone calls it took - where they didn't understand, and would hang up on me. They finally got used to us calling. YEAH!

Well, I missed the girls something fierce, and I prayed so hard that we would soon have our INS approval for Aliana, and just more paperwork kept pouring in. At times, we wondered if we were doing the right thing. But we pressed on - determined not to give up. "Doubt not - but be believing" became my slogan. I even got personalized license plates that said "Doubt NT".

I still have them and look at them. So - we still played the waiting game, only this time I knew that the girls were real. I had felt them in my arms. I had loved them and kissed them. And I wanted them home..

So... we.. wait...

2008-01-27T08:12:00.000-08:00

So - now we are home. Exhausted but totally exhilarated if that makes sense. I woke up at 630:am because Morgan wanted to see the pictures of the girls and the trip before church. So - I bundled up and went downstairs, Vinny decided to make a brave front and join us.

It was interesting - before we left on this trip - Morgan was so - so about the adoption. In fact - since that time he has confided in us that he thought we were crazy at the time - as did many people! =) I can handle that - it was quite the feeling - to decide to adopt one girl - and end up adopting three in just a couple of months!

Now - back to watch the videos - I watched Morgan. A change had come over him. He was excited to see us with these two little girls that we had talked about prayed about, and dreamt about for the past few months. We didn't say anything about Aliana yet. He didn't really even know. He had seen her pictures with Nikki when the adoption agency had sent them - but he wasn't interested at all. Ok, It was time to get ready for church.

Just as we got done - it was time for him to get going, we were so jet lagged - there was no way we could have gone. We were so tired - and we had signed up to have a Youth Fireside at our house that evening to boot! We were going back to bed!! And so we did. Morgan went to church without us. We slept until 11:00:am, and then got up. I had jet lag very bad. At this point in my life - I really hadn't traveled a lot. Before I even met Vinny - I had only been on a plane once - to California from Utah and that had been 25 years before I married him. Since I had married him - I had traveled to Maryland once before our marriage to visit him and our new ward, and then we drove cross country when we got married (boy was that fun on our "honeymoon" with a fourteen year old boy in tow) and we had flown back two or three times to Salt Lake since then to see my family. That was it. My family had also been able to fly out and see me - so I was doing fine on traveling. I honestly didn't know the true meaning of Jet lag. A four hour trip was hard and I thought I had it when I went to Utah!! HAHAHAH! NOT. (Well, ok, I'm a wimp - I admit I DO still have jet lag). I guess this was just the mother lode of all jet lags.

I finally got up and started to email pictures of our trip and call family and friends. I didn't have much time - due to the fact the fireside would be in two hours. I was still in my jammies!!

About 6:30pm - everyone started showing up for the fireside. Vinny was a champ, He mingled and talked and was so animated and fun. I just stayed to myself (and a couple of ladies in the ward). I couldn't shut the sights, smells and sounds of Russia - and most of all - I couldn't stop thinking of three little girls I had left behind.

After the fireside - I walked through the house - and checked the room I had gotten ready for Nikki and Cami. It was so cute- and so ready for them. I then walked to one guest room - which was going to become Aliana's room (at that time it was the Americana room - her room is now the phantom of the opera room). I just looked and wished they were here.

I was still in a daze - but a good one.

I WISHED SO BAD that they were there!! I remember that I had tears falling, and as I turned, Vinny was right behind me, and just held me in his arms.

Just random writing waiting for the girls to come home

2008-01-22T12:19:00.000-08:00

Waiting and writing about the girls...

Aliana - My Oldest daughter (by a few months), with your "trying to be so brave looks",
your long brownish red hair waiving down your shoulders,
You are so sweet- so wonderful- so pretty.
We are so blessed to be able to take you home.
I truly love you, Aliana.

Nikki - my second oldest. What a little beauty you are-inside and out. You've had my heart since day one.
When I first saw your picture I knew you were mine. Your shyness makes me want to
protect you even more. I love you!

Camilla - Cami -bug! How I enjoy you so. You are are talented, so gifted with so many things.
The world is yours, if you but let yourself soar!
Your sparkling green eyes, that slken hair - those full lips - you are indeed a treasure.
I'm so gald WE got you, Cami, for you see, someone else nearly did. I love you, my princess child.

MY THREE DAUGHTERS

Never before could I have imagined such excitement.
Nor the agony of waiting.
Waiting eendlessly for mounds of paperwork - for Governments to
Hold my life in their hands.
Never have I turned more to my God - and to my Savior- Jesus Christ.
I knew not that I could love so much, seeing you so little.
You have captured my heart, each having a piece in a unique way. To think I've
Seen you just once!!

Three daughters. To laugh with.. to sing with.
To cry with. To yell with, to be quiet with.
To grow with, to learn with.
To make you each a part of me, and me a part of you.

Three Daughters.

It's ok to be afraid. I am somewhat.
It's OK.
Let's just hold on to each other - tightly, and spend
A lifetime caring and loving, and living the gospel.
So we can one day return as a family unit to the God who
Created us, never to be separated again.

I promise to be fair, to try hard, to be consisitant,
To kiss boo-boo's, help with homework,
Teach you to make cookies and fold socks.
I promise to listen, t set rules, to guide you,
To trust you, and let you fly alone when it's time.
I promise to teach you to pray, to love to read,
To be respectful of others and the things around you.
I promise to say I'm sorry when I'm wrong,
Which I suppose might be often.
I promise to give you the gift of music.
I will teach you about allowences, the tooth fairy,
Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny,
But most importantly, I will teach you of
Christ and what He did for us. I know you will love
Him as much as I do.
I will help you learn service, and to learn to share, to make
Others happy. That's where you are truly happy, my daughters,
In service.
I love you my beautiful girls. I have waited for you all my life.
I promise I will say I love you every day and show you even more.
Thank you Heavenly Father - for my three little girls!
You are mine - and I am most humbly,
Your mother.

Flying back to Washington, DC - June 28 2004

2008-01-21T08:33:00.000-08:00

Sergey came and got us. Vinny's stomach was somewhat better... We had a "tiff" with the Hotel Manager - she wanted to charge us more money than was needed! We had paid her cash at the beginning of the stay at the hotel - to cover the expense of the hotel. She decided she wanted more- and I got somewhat angry. Vinny was trying to talk to her, but I really was mad at this point. It's like - "they are American's - we can take their money" and I didn't like that at all. At any rate - we didn't pay it!! I really put my foot down. Vinny was someone chagrined - but I knew we had paid them in full. I was glad to be going home at that point.

We left the Marriott, and Sergey took us once again through the city. He took us to a marketplace, where you could buy all sorts of things. (Souveniers). We took pictures and bought a few things, but I really think at that point I was ready to come home.

Our flight was delayed several hours. (shock- not). We were stuck at the airport for many long hours. Sergey was wonderful - he stayed with us until our flight left. We were not once ever left alone. The cool thing too, was we found and met several other couples from the USA who had been there for their first trip for adoption. All of them were adopting babies - we were the only ones adoping older children, but it really passed the time quickly talking to these young kids - hearing how excited they were and the process they had gone through. Some were much different than ours. We determined that we were very blessed indeed, to be able to go and see three separate little girls. Somo of the people only got to hold these babies for a few hours, and that was IT! Plus, they traveled hours on bus and planes to get to them. They all clutched pictures, and it was like a healing time for all of us, men and women alike. It was really beautiful.

One thng that happened that REALLY bothered me. (And many other people from the USA- and probably the world). There was a mother there --who had obviously just adopted a little girl - maybe four at the oldest. She also had adopted a little boy who was about one and a half. The girl may have been three. At any rate - they were a handful to say the least. I don't know what kind of post-traumatic disorders these children had, but they would bang their heads, and cry, and try to run. They were SCARED TO DEATH! The kids were sreaming - and disrupting everthing. Her husband was with her, they were both heavy set people (which really doesn't have anything to do with it - other than they wouldn't move to do to do anything for their children.) Well, here we all are... wishing we had OUR BABES IN ARMS, and this MOTHER starts to SLAP HER DAUGHTER HARD!!!!!!! I was shocked beyond belief!!! One gal I was talking to was so angry - she wanted the adoption agency of where these people had been allowed to adopted through. It kept going on. I know it was hard - the lines were long, it was a slow process - and it was hard. But those children were beyond reasoning with -and all the mother and father knew to do was to slap and hit these kids in front of everyone!. I finally walked over to the mother, and asked her if she needed some help with her daugher. She started in about how bad she was(the child) (I'm sorry- but even if that child didn't understand english - she understood the resentment in her voice).... I bent down, and gently talked to the child. She wouldn't make eye contact with me at first - but I noticed that the little boy had tried so hard to stop sniffling, and was sucking on a binking, blinking through his tears. I had some candy or a toy - I don't remember, and I asked if I could give it to them. The mom just shrugged and said sure. So I did, and very calmly told her it was for her. She threw it. I smiled and picked it up and gave it to her again. She looked at me questioningly and did it again. I picked it up again and handed it to her. When it became apparent that she wasn't going to be screamed at or yelled at or hit, she calmed down, and I noticed the baby boy smiling through his tears. Suddenly, the beast of a mother decided she didn't like this at all. She was in control after all, not me. She grabbed that little girls arm, and briskly told me they were going to the bathroom. I did get her to tell me where her agency was before she left (high five)!!!!!. The screaming and kicking started again.
To this day -I am sick about it. Even on the plane.. the Father sat with the little girl, and the mother took the son. They were so loud, and of course the kids were scared to death. Several times, I heard the father turn to the mother and say, "well, I had to slap her hard to make her be quiet and sit". I was so appalled. I never found out if that other girl that was adopting called their adoption agency like she said she was - but it was so so sad.
I will tell you something NOW that I FIRMLY BELIEVE IN!! ( And I have been asked this several times, because my girls are so well behaved and so....normal crazy fun loving happy!!). LOVE THEM FROM THE GET GO. MAKE THEM YOURS. Take them in your arms, tell them you love them, "Yhatza bila blue" (that's how it's pronounced - not spelled (I love you). Don't be afraid to touch them. Bring them in close. Hold them. Touch their hair. Kiss their eyes - their nose.... their freckles. Hold heir hands. They truly can feel your love!! I KNOW THIS IS TRUE. Also - because we adopted older children, after our first trip - we called them once a week before we went back and got them. This re-inforced to them that we were really going to do what we said we were doin - not just lip service. They so looked forward to those calls. I know you can't call a baby - but you can pray every single night - and ask your Father in Heaven to let that special spirit to recognize you and your love. IT WORKS!!!!

Ok. Sorry. Back to the plane. I didn't mean to get carried away. I just can't lose sight of that day ever. And I don't want anyone else to either...

Waiting in line, we met a beautiful young woman named Olya (for Olga). She was an attorney (she looked all of eighteen!!) coming to see her American boyfriend. Our flight was deliyed several hours, we finally made it through security and we were starving. We found someplece to eat. It was SOOOO wonderful. We were able to board - four hours later - and started the long trek home. I had a hard time sleeping on the flight.....so many emotions and feelings, sensory overload and I couldn't shut down- even with medication. We watched a couple of movies ... and I wrote a lot in my journals. (I'm so happy now that I did...) I finally even slept a little bit.

We made it home Saturday eveneing around 9pm. We finally got through customs, and called Morgan around 930Pm. He was worried, thinking we would be home at 5pm - but we had no way of letting him no- (you couldn't leave the line to call anyone and let them know you would be late).

I was absolutely exhausted..(as was VInny), on the drive home. We got home, went upstairs and unpacked some . Morgan came back from the Palmers (friends) around midnight and wanted us to get up immeditely and show him pictures and videos of his new sisters and Russia! We were just tired. I did decide that I would make it to church in the morning. LITTLE DID I KNOW ABOUT JET LAG!!!!

We were HOME!

Our last night in Moscow June 27 04

2008-01-10T11:33:00.000-08:00

That night, we got back to the hotel. Once again, we were physically exhausted, as well as emotionally. I still was suffering the pangs of heat exhaustion, yet so much had to be done. We started to pack. We got a phone call from our translator, Alex, informing us that we owed him and Alex our transportation driver cash in the morning before returning to Moscow. We said sure - no problem. We went out to the "bank"... the little ATM... or whatever it is called over there to pull money out of our account. There, to our utter HORROR, we found that all of our credit, ATM, DEBIT, all cards had a hold placed on them. All accounts were frozen!! We did not think to notify our banks of oversea travel before we left - and they got suspicious and put a hold on our account! Even our credit cards did the same thing! Everything was alerted and raised to "Fraud Status". We were more than frightened! There we were, in Stavropol, with no money!!! We got a hold of Alex, the translator, and he got a hold of Irene, the Director of our Adoption Agency that we were there through. We told her what had happened, and she she informed us that "things like this happened all the time!" Fortunately, she told us not to worry about it - she would pay Alex and we could compensate and reimburse her. We had enough cash on us to get us to the Marriott Hotel in Moscow. We were so grateful for her - for that gesture.

We retired semi-early. Back to Moscow in the am! UP EARLY!! Back to the rickety old plane that would fly us back to Moscow. Alex took us to the aeroport. He stayed with us until we got through the gate. We finally boarded after a long wait, and fortunately, we both slept most of the way back to Moscow. It was the same experience there, walking off onto a runway, and finding our luggage at a very old terminal baggage claim. Sergey was back again, to gake us to the Marriott. We were awed by down town Moscow. It was VERY old - lots of walls and gates, but very crowded and noisy- due to honking horns and speeding cars. There are no speed limits - people drive fast and furious there. You very seldom see women driving - in fact I think I only saw one drive the whole time I was in Russia. The men drive fast, hard, and take life threatening risks like it is nothing. There are policemen everywhere. They just stand with big "billy clubs". If they gesture you to pull over with their sticks, you do. They like to take bribes. You can either pay them a bribe then, or if you don't have the money, you go and pay two times as much later at court, so we were told that most everyone carries bribes around for the policemen. You don't have or need a driver's license, you have a passport. Whenever you leave or enter a city, you have 24 hours to register where you are. This way you can be tracked and monitored always. It's really freaky.

Sergey was motioned over by the police. He looked very worried... so of course, me the worry wort, was VERY worried. He had a cracked window in his windshield, and was very concerned that the police would take away his plates to his car - which he told us was a huge hassle to get back. Vinny and I instantly said a prayer to help him out (and ourselves). Our prayers once again were answered - Sergey came back looking very relieved and said that they only took a bribe. We were able to go on our way.

We made it to the Marriott and checked in. By this time, Vinny was not feeling well. He had severe stomach problems. We got up to our room, and decided to go check out the hotel. First we thought eating might help Vinny. So - we went down to a delicous buffet. There we ate to our hearts content. There we saw the California woman Sean Volz (husband Scott who had to go home) who was still there trying to get that baby girl home!! She was pretty sure they would be able to go home in a day or so - We really prayed for her. Vinny was prepared to give her money if needed. One more reason I fell more in love with him that day! As soon as we were done eating, Vinny's stomach problem hit him full force. It wiped him out. We ended back up in the room, and while he rested, I decided to go do some hotel shopping. I went down and found a beautiful Russian dress, costume with the headress for the girls, so they can have it when they are older - for their heritage. I also bought small matrushka dolls and small beautifully painted wooden boxes. I got post cards, and a beautiful Russian scarf and cookbook.

Vinny stil didn't feel better as the night progressed, so I finally convinced him to go with me to find a pharmacy. The streets are very very crowded and noisy like New York (and the traffic). It was nice. Not too scary.... but policemen everywhere. We found the sign for phanrmacy...and asked for immodium. They fortunately understood. We purchased and left. We noticed an old worn out looking peasant woman - crying... just crying in the middle of the streets. We passed her by..I felt sad. But then, I felt impressed to go back, and so did Vinny. We walked back where she was and I dropped a few coins into her hand. She was grateful but still looked so weary. We walked on a bit, thinking and talking about her. I had to stop. I had to go back again. Vinny went with me, and gave me the equivelent of about ten dollars to give to her - quite a lot to anyone over there. I walked right up to her. She recognized me, and looked at me imploringly, with the question in her eyes that will forever haunt me. I think she thought I wanted the coins back. Then she looked down, and openly wept when I placed the money into her hands. Only this time it was tears of gratitude and joy. I took her in my arms, and hugged her - and then I kissed both of her weatherbeaten cheeks. "Spaciba". she cried over and over again (Thank you, thank you) not wanting to let go. She looked down at the money in amazement, like she didnt know where it had come from. I told her I loved her, and turned to leave. From that lone experience I have learned much about charity. She did not reek of alchohol, she truly needed the money to eat - to put a roof over her head and I'm glad we were able to help. I wished I would have given her more. (This was truly a highlight of our trip).

Back at the hotel, we were able to purchase a phone card, and access the internet. I'm so glad we got to make contact with some of our family. We got to talk and tell them about the girls - and the sites and sounds of the things we had seen and done. Tomorrow - we fly to Washington DC. It will be a long trip.

Our last day with Cami before returning home

2008-01-04T09:06:00.000-08:00

That night, after resting for an hour or so with my feet up, we tried to venture out once more to the Gallerira and got Cami a few more toys for our next and final visit with her. We also went grocery shopping - everything was SO different from America. I tried so hard to use my Russian (from a book) and one cute girl at the store was so sweet, she gestured to me to fill out a "discount card" - one like a Food lion or Smith's card - a grocery store card where you save a few pennies! It was so cute! So we filled it out, laughing because we knew we would be flying back to America in a couple of days, but the gesture was so sweet. I still have that card. I was so exhausted, however, and did not feel good, and we went to bed very early.

New day - feet are still very swollen, but not as bad as the day before --

We got to Cami's Orpanage. I was really excited to see her again - because we hadn't seen her in two days. We were once again ushered in to the gymnasium where the piano was and waited. We waited for about twenty minutes, and suddenly Cami was brought in. Cami was in filthy, dirty clothes,and that really really bothered me! Here, I had just left her a whole suitcase full of new clothes two days earlier, and not one piece of clothing was found on her?? I was fuming, wondering if indeed they had even been given to Cami. I spoke my frustration to Michael, the interpretor. The Director of the orpanage was not there that day, and the Education Teacher had been left in charge. She would not budge, and held her ground. But I was NOT going to budge either, and tersly told her that she better get up there and put Cami's decent clothes on her that I had brought to her. She took her out, and finally returned her with the same clothes we had put on her the last time we had seen her! I was NOT happy! WHERE WERE HER CLOTHES????? I never did find out.

Then another issue. Ms... Control Freak decided that she would not allow us to take Cami to the Galleria (we had been told we could by the director). I again was NOT happy. It was so hot again in there, but she walked over and closed the windows to the room, as she icely told me that she didn't want me saying hi to the other children playing outside!!!! ( I had recognized some from the website - and was waving to them). I informed Michael that I had not come 5,000 miles and spent thousands of dollars not to get to spend time with Cami. I was furious. The Ice woman - control freak would only let us spend one hour with her that morning and told us to return at 330pm that afternoon.

So- we got up and left - the morning had been all but spoiled. Seeing Cami had been great - but there was so much politics involved that morning, I really didn't even get to feel her sweet little spirit. Off I went back to the Galleria, and went back to the toy store. A certain lady working there caught my attention. She seemed SO nice. I tried to explain that we were going to adopt from the detsky dom, and she was touched. She came up, and shyly handed us two bags of Russian candy!! It was so sweet and kind. We bought Cami a hula hoop that lights up and makes noise, a big princess pink bag, a game called jumping Monkeys, and a Tom and Jerry Puzzle. (that was her favorite cartoon).

We returned to the orphanage around 330pm. I asked AGAIN why Cami was out of her clean clothes and back in filthy dirty clothes?!!!! This time, someone really scooted, and hurried and changed her. Something else happened too. I noticed that our little Cami Bug was missing her first tooth! (one lost, one very loose). So I explained to her about the tooth fairy, and fave her a dollar bill for each tooth. I told her if she lost any more teeth to save them in her bag for the tooth fairy in America.

There were times Cami would get weepy - sad - but she had the most wonderful caretaker. She was an older lady with fading red hair. She really liked us. She very sternly but lovinly explained to Cami that she would have a better life in America, that we were her Mama and Papa! I was so happy and thrilled this woman was there. I instantly adored her, how do you thank someone for that? Cami, cautiously started to want to see the pictures of "home" and our house. We went over the names of all the kids here, so she would know her brothers and sisters. She was told her American name would be "Camilla Rose" to which she replied that she liked Vika. =) We told her that Vika would always be her Russian name and that is was so very beautiful, but she would indeed have a new name here. She then seemed really settlted with it.

She loved the hula hoop - she was amazing at it. It was nice however, to quiet her down and watch her do puzzles, and play games. She is extremely bright, and figures things out quickly. She can be quiet and thoughtful. and then suddendly that high little girly laugh brightens up even the darkest of rooms. We were told we could stay as late as we wanted - because of not getting to spend time with her earlier in the day. Seems my well worth frustration was listened to, and someone's butt was chewed pretty good. That wasn't my intent, but it was my intent to spend as much time as I could with the child, seeing that we had spent so much time and money into coming there.

Cami's living conditions were poor - but extremely clean. There were obvious crafts taking place - good things going on. Cami showed us her bed - which was in the middle of this big room, in the middle of several little free standing cots. Nothing looked soft about it at all. Just small and cold. She told us she was instructed to make her bed by herself everyday, and we also learned that she washes her own clothes every day by hand! I was mind boggled!! I saw the old little hand washer, where these tiny children would line up (babes if you will) and scrub their clothes). Yes, there were many tears shed. We just don't know how good we have it. Such responsibility for six years old!!!
She seemed to love to sit on my lap and look at books and pictures. We showed her a picture of her new bedroom, and she boldly stated that she "wanted the other bed in the room" (there were two beds - one for her - one for Nikki..). When we went to leave- we left her pictures of her new home and life. Suddenly, she turned and ran back and got us a water-coloring picture book that she had worked on the past year. I was touched to the core. I couldn't believe she would part with such a treasure.

I wrote her names out for her to study. CAMI, CAMILLA ROSE. and VICTORIA. She seemed very settled. We parted with hugs and kisses, and many" I love you's". Yatza bila bleu. ((That's how it sounds in Russia - not how it's spelled). The language of love understands all barriers. It was very hard for me to leave her this time.

Back to the Hotel - and back to preparing to return to Moscow. So many memories, and I felt as if my arms were empty... that I shouldn't be leaving without those children. They were already mine. I had held them, loved them, told them so, from the moment I saw them. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM YOURS from the GET GO! Don't be afraid to LOVE. Just go grab them and let them know that they are yours and you are theirs. LOVE. They can feel it if you have it. Give it freely. I just wished everyone could go and get a child. I was more impressed with NIkki's orpanage than Cami's -- but I wouldn't have found Cami without hers,, so there is a reason for everything.

Goodbye for a few months- my babies.. and Heavenly Father? Please keep them in your loving care. Please watch over them and protect them until we can return for them and take them HOME.

Getting ready to go home follows....

Fun and games at the Detsky Dom 2nd day

2008-01-02T11:38:00.000-08:00

After coming down off of cloud nine about the piano, we had more gifts to hand out to the children. We had bought games at the Galleria the night before, and we presented the children with their gifts. They were off and playing - Jengo, Russian Battlefield, Chess, Checkers - simple board games like that. They were in the "piano room" and it was just a good feeling watching these older kids sit down and play with the younger ones.

Karaoke. Who would have known that in the middle of nowhere in Russia - some orphanage would have a karaoke machine. And sing they did! They were trying to sing in English, to Elvis songs, to Garth Brooke, anything, but mostley Beatles! A few of the kids excitedly grabbed my hand, and lead me to the karaoke room. A beautiful sixteen year old girl was really belting it out. So, with the kids nudging me, I grabbed a mike and started to harmonize with her. They went crazy! They really really liked that! Soon - they had me singing, and I was dying from heat again... it was SO hot there. We were standing in a small room, no ventilation, about 20 kids, and singing. I was a mess, but a good sport. Sopping wet, I sang my heart out for them. I would get occasional "takers" that would come and sing with me. It was quite funny, because some older women had slipped into the room. I had no clue who they were. There was one in particular who looked like she was in her sixties, painfully shy with salt and pepper braids and glasses. It was so great to see, that after one of my songs I was singing, she nervously came towards the machine. I cheered her on, and gestured to her to sing. She didn't know if she looked grateful or mad, but she came, and I about landed on the floor!!! She took that mike and it was like all the years of pent up quiet were gone in one moment. She bust a gut out there! She sang her heart out!! She didn't really sing on key, but who cares??? It was the best surprise, and she seemed the one to be the most surprised! Many of the kids were calling for other children who were not in the room to come and see her, and they chatted excitedly between themselves about this woman singing. It was like another little miracle. It really made my day!

The hot flashes, the heat, continued to take it's toll on me. I felt awful, my face was beat red, and I was sweating profusely. I was determined to finish out the day without having to stop... so I continued on doing what the children wanted me to do.

Then - we did something REALLY fun!~ We took all the children back to the piano room, and made sure ALL were present. Unbeknownst to them, before we came to Russia, we were told to carry several small American bills, to tip the Police and such with. It was custom to tip them if they stopped you (bribe them) so you wouldn't get a ticket. We had several hundred one dollar bills because of this information we had been given. Well, that day, we decided to take $100 one dollar bills back with us to this orphanage. So, as the children were gathered around, I pulled out that wad of ones. It must have looked like a million bucks to them, you should have seen their eyes pop out!! Vinny and I were more than delighted to pass around a dollar bill to each child there (yes, there were a few sneaky ones that came around for two..and we let them, pretending we didn't know they had already been there). When we were done, we presented the director with the rest of the money.
She instantly amazed me again as she asked the children.."Should we put all our money together, and buy something nice for the orphanage?" The kids willingly and excitedly complied. I was so touched that they would do that. To have a whole dollar, which was a fortune for them, and to turn it around immediately and hand it back so all could benefit was something remarkable indeed. I don't think I would have seen that here. It was very sweet and tender.

I also had very mixed emotions about Svet, Nikki's older sister. She had been all over me the first day, and the second day, she held her distance. In fact, when we left, I couldn't even find her to say goodbye. She was upset, she too wanted to come home with "Mama". It's not that she wasn't wanted, she is and was and will be, but Heavenly Father had other plans for us. It was as if we were shown which daughters were ours, and although Svet and Natasha will forever be Nikki's biological sisters, Aliana and Cami were the ones the our Father in Heaven wanted for this eternal family.

Pretty soon - we had a chance to be alone with Aliana. They took us to a room, and sat us down (yeah for me, I was so miserable from the heat). She was ushered in, and we talked via the translators about America, and family. She told us she wanted us to be our Mama and our Papa. It was so sweet, but I felt that everyone in that orphanage would have said the same thing. Nevertheless, she said she was ok in leaving the orphanage. We found out later that the vials that Luba had, had been given to the nurse there, and they had re-tested her blood, even before sending her in to talk to us.
We were told that we would have to wait for the Russian Federation's answer on her coming to America. We did tell her we would have to go home and start her paperwork. We had none done on her, and now, it looked like we would be starting over! A good thing and an "OUCH"! all at the same time.

When we left that afternoon, the children and adults ALL begged us to return. It was hard. We had really fallen in love with that orphanage. There was such a sweet spirit there. "Don't forget the children", we kept praying. Nikki and Aliana both went to the Van with us, and hugged us goodbye. We didn't know when we would see them again, we were hoping two, three months, but to the two little girls, that seemed like a lifetime. Tears were shed, and hugs were given. We PROMISED we would be back for them. Nikki did not want to let go of my hand. It was heartbreaking to say the least.

The ride home was very hard. We both talked and cried... knowing that some of those children we wouldn't ever see again. We cried over the cruel twist of fate about Nikki's sisters. But we also were glad that we had found them, so she could keep in touch. Not only was it hard emotionally, but it was hard physically. I had become so ill with heat exhaustion or something, my feet swelled up like balloons. I couldn't stop sweating, and my face was so swollen and red. I was so miserable. I couldn't stretch my legs out, and the ride was so hard on me. By the time we got home, I was crying, I was emotionally and physically shot. I felt strange, and glanced at myself... I was swollen in my feet, ankles, face, hands, arms.... everywhere, and it was horrible. I was scared to death. I was in the middle of Stavropol, and I kept thinking I would end up in a hospital. Vinny administered a priesthood blessing to me, and still I suffered. We finally called Michael the translator over to the hotel. He took one look at me, and then told me that the mineral water that I had been drinking daily to stay hydrated had baking soda in it. It was making me more dehydrated than not! The more I drank, the sicker I got. I stopped the water immediately... but it still took about two whole days for it to completely leave my system. YIKES!

It was time to rest for an hour or so with my feet up.

The Piano

2007-12-24T12:15:00.000-08:00

Music is very important to me. I have played the piano most of my life. I know how to read music - and play by ear. Although I sadly admit that I used to play very good by reading - my VERY favorite is to sit and compose by ear - and over the years, I do that more and more. Music is just in me. I have two piano's at my house. A digital baby grand, with all the bells and whistles, that help you write the music that you hear in your heart and soul. I have another beautiful upright one hundred year old oak piano that is absolutely gorgeous because I like to collect antiques. Music. To me there is nothing better.

When we went to Russia, I took some song books to play to the children. I so wanted them (all the orphanages) to hear happy songs, and for my three little bugs- to know that music would be an important part of their life. So, I carefully selected the pieces that I wanted to play for my new daughters.

On our first trip there, while we were waiting in the gymnasium for Cami, there was an old, used piano in the corner. It was the one that when Cami came to the room, I took her to it, and sang, "Can't help falling in love" on. She listened carefully - and tried to play back. You could tell Cami loved the song. AND, she loved music. I wanted to play more, but it was obvious that we were not to play, they were displeased with that. We were "disturbing" the others. So, that is the only song I got to play for Cami.

When we got to Aliana and Nikki's Detsky Dom, I looked in vain for a piano. There was none to be found. So I asked around. I was heartbroken when I heard they did not have a piano. No piano?? How could it be?? There had to be a piano for them!! It was kind of funny in a way, because they had an old karaoke machine, which they loved, and certain children would sing, which I will tell you about later, but there was no piano.

I am a freight broker by trade. I retired about a year and a half ago. I moved freight all over the United States. So - when I heard there was no piano - my brain instantly started thinking of who I knew back home and how I could get a piano back over here to this detsky dom. Now- thinking of this, I can see the absurdity of it all, but at the time, I was trying so hard to get something I just wanted them to have for that orphanage, for the children.

I remember Vinny and I driving home that first night from meeting Nikki. We talked about no piano. I told him of the thoughts I had on it. I was really struggling with this one. Vinny told me not to worry, Heavenly Father was ever mindful of us. His whole theme throughout this process was "DO NOT FORGET THE CHILDREN". He is so logical and I am so emotional. At anyrate - we talked about it.

When we got back to the hotel, I remember that we knelt down and in fervent prayer we asked our Heavenly Father to somehow help us get this orphanage a piano. I knew that we would be returning there in three or four months to claim the girls as our own, and I pleaded with the Lord that this might happen by the time that we return. I didn't have a clue how it would be done, I realistically knew that my freight brokering couldn't help do anything in Russia - but I could pray, and pray I did.

We returned the next day, after another three hour ride. We were able to be with the children and see Nikki and even had a chance to visit with Fatima (Aliana) who we had still be praying about also. SUDDENLY, out of the blue, the director came running down the hall! She was VERY excited. She had just received a phone call from the director of a University. Seems there was a family that had to move immediatly and they had an old piano. They had called the University and asked if they could buy it. The University was short of funds. Hearing of the American's at the Orphanage, they had called the director, and asked her if she could use a piano! WE WERE FLO"ORED!!! I absolutely could not believe what I was hearing!! She beamed at us. "Could we purchase the piano for them" She inquired? Could we!! YES!!!!!! We immediately gave her the three hundred dollars on the spot - she was so very excited - as were we! The feeling and the spirit there was somthing I will have a hard time understanding or ever forgetting. I know that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ AND the Holy Ghost worked hand in hand to make that happen at that time that day.I was so happy to be a part of that. Here I was asking Heavenly Father to help me make this happen in three months from now - and He did it over night. What a miracle! I was shaking and crying. Not only that - but they offered to bring the piano immediately. After a few bumps in the road, the piano was delivered a few weeks later. When we returned to pick the girls up and bring them home, we were able to see the piano that the Lord had delivered to this orphanage, and we were overcome again with emotions. It was a beautiful sight. I sat and played and played, and the children did not want me to stop - even when I became nervous~! lol. I do know that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers and that miracles have not ceased. I witnessed one literally overnight!

Back for our 2nd day with Nikki June 25th 2004

2007-12-21T14:27:00.000-08:00

Up again today and back to the Detsky Dom! We were going to return with presents bought the night before. The ride was still as long and hard, but we were as excited as the day before. We really liked both Alex's, and Michael, and it was fun talking to them about our experiences. They had listened to us talk about Fatima on the way home last night, and now - they were offering up advice on her and telling us things about her. Then they would hurry and go back to talking in Russian almost as if they didn't want us to understand. They did however, understand that we were interested in her.

Nikki came running out of no-where, grabbing me. "My Mamma"! She exclaimed, much to my delight! She was stilll in the same clothes that I had put on her the previous day. She must have really liked them, or had been afraid to take them off, for fear they would be taken away. She smelled a bit ripe in them, but she still looked adorable, and I was so so happy to see her. We sat and played and talked with her for a bit and then Alex motioned us into the Directors room.

Alex (the translator and coordinator) had us sit down. His wife Luba was in the room also. Alex suddenly reached over into Luba's purse and pulled out two vials or bottles. You could tell it was for bloodwork. The director started to talk fast, and Alex and Luba interpreted that Fatima was sick, and that they needed to re-test her. We were dumbfounded.

Let me back up a bit. The night before we left for Russia, our Bishop came over and gave us both a blessing. In Vinny's blessing, he was told that he would have to make a very hard and serious decision regarding a third child over in Russia. I don't remember the exact wording of the blessing, I did not write it down. But it was something to that extent. Now, suddenly, after talking to these new people we had met traveling on the way home from an orpanage, they had literally taken it to heart - (as we may have thought we had) and came prepared!!

They then left the room, and we asked the director a lot of questions about Nikki and Fatima. I will call Fatima Aliana from now on. The story of how all the names changed will follow later. So, we sat and chatted via translation with Michael about Nikki and Aliana. We searched for answers. We were told the girls differences.. and their likes. We were told they were very good friends.

Later, when we had a chance, we pulled Nikki asie, and asked her if she wanted to come home with us and be our duaghter. We told her about her american name - Nikki - she was absolutely FINE with it. We told her if she wanted to keep her Russian name she could. She emphatically said NYET!!. So, with that, our daughter, Olivia Nicole was born (aka Nikki). She seemeed so happy - like she was crawling out of old skin - and getting rid of something she didn't want to be in. It started happening in front of our eyes! It was amazing. Suddenly - during our "talk" - the door burst open, and another girl ran in and excitedly told our interpreter Luba something. Then she left. Luba was laughing, telling us that the young lady had told her that the rest of the orphanage girls had given their "permission" for Aliana to come to America too! HAHAHAHAH! We were stunned! It seemed the walls had ears. =)
Back to Nikki - she answered Dah to all our questions, YES, YES, she wanted to come home with us. She was in much need of a loving home enviroment (aren't they all?) .

We were once again treated to lunch - it was the same simple feast as the day before. The jolly head cook, laughed and hugged me. She then shyly asked us to buy her a bread slicer, and when she heard that we would, I got another kiss right dab on the smacker! Quite a sight!

I'm ending this post now - because the story that follow's is so special - it has to have a post all of it's own.

Until next time.........

Riding home from meeting Nikki

2007-12-17T10:16:00.000-08:00

As I said - we got in the van and pulled away, with Nikki waving goodbye. What a day it had been. We didn't even want to leave - we had only been allowed to spend about three hours there, but the ride was three hours there, and three hours back to the hotel. So leave we must.

On the way back, we were silent for a bit, each reflecting on what we had seen and heard. And then, we couldn't stop talking. The words just kept coming faster, louder, furiously. We both LOVED that orphanage. There had been such a sweet spirit there. We had liked Cami's orphanage, but it had seemed so cold and callouse compared to this one. It's not that it was better furnished, Cami's was. But this one had a spirit of comraderee' and togetherness, and love. The walls felt cold - but the spirit was there. We had been so touched. And Nikki. I now understood how and why this little child had called to me thousands of miles across the ocean - halfway around the world. She was as endearing to me as anything real and full of love in my life. It was if I already KNEW her. I was certain of that. She had called me, I had heard her, and I had come. And now, she was mine. Paperwork or no paperwork, (which there was to be much more of) that girl was mine.

So we talked. And we talked. Then we talked some more. So much had been said about Nikki and the orphanage and the youth and the surroundings, the people, the dogs, the everything. We were mad, sad, that we didn't know Nikki had sisters. We expressed every emotion you could have on that trip home. We fell silent, and I know at that time, Vinny was thinking exactly what I was thinking.

FATIMA. He opened his mouth and started to talk about how she had smiled and waved in the camara. Then he showed me the video. I was mesmerized. She was beyond beautiful, and she had a cool air of confidence around her at the orpahange. But the video clip showed her sweet little self, with that half smile and a wave of a hand. So, the discussion began about adopting Fatima. "NO!!!" all my senses reasoned. Three would be way too many. I had come looking for one... now I had two, and now three??? How could I possibly do this? How could WE possibly do this?? So, on that three hour drive home, Vinny and I discussed the pro's and con's of adopting this additional little girl. Alex, our interpreter, seemed to be listening, because his wife Luba suddenly cut in and told us "no - you don't want her, she is sick. You can't take her home". We were like "huh"? Nothing like that had ever stopped us before, and it was almost at that moment, we were determined that we would really look into the possibility of adopting her. Before long, we were back at the hotel, tired and sore, from a long day.
As we drove up to the hotel, we again saw two more Elders walking down the streets of Stavropol!! They had their backs turned to us, and we didn't know if they were the same Elders that we had met at the zoo, but what a joy again nonetheless. The ones we had met when we had been with Cami were from Rexburg Idaho and Portland Oregon. I was so humbled once again.

At any rate, we got back to the hotel, and decided to go walking. We ventured out a little ways, and walked through a very old town that had been established in 1775. It was starting to rain a bit... so we turned back and went to the Galleria (the Mall). We did some shopping for the next day, where I picked up some lotion, deoderant, games, candy, apples and cookies for the orphanage. They had a Dominoes Pizza there! HAH! So we ordered a pizza, and decided to head back to our hotel.
We got to the doors of the Galleria, and we couldn't believe it. There was a flash flood - intense lightening thunderstorm. It was delightful and amazing. Our hotel wasn't that far away - but it was far enough away to get extremely soaked. So we waited for a bit to see if it would let up. It didn't. When it showed no signs of letting up, run we did, with gifts and pizza in arms! It was absolutely breathtaking. We were soaked clear through within seconds, and in some areas the water was to our knees. I can't believe I didn't slip and fall, for I am known for such things. It was so wet and slippery. We arrived back at the hotel, sopping wet, shivering, and everyone staring. We laughed, we didn't care. That was fun!

We sat down and enjoyed a littel supper - the pizza was very different from American pizza. We were so exhausted. We took a long hot hot bath. After that, we decided that it was time to kneel down and pray over this little girl, Fatima, and ask Heavenly Father what He thought of us taking her home. Our prayers were intense, and real, We wanted to know. We also wanted to know if we were biting off more than we could chew, and were we just getting caught up in the heat of the moment? The Spirit seemed to reassure us that all was well, and we felt very comforted. We fell asleep immediately. Anther day, never to forget, always to remember!!

Nikki's Detsky Dom

2007-12-12T10:35:00.000-08:00

After about fifteen minutes, Vinny and Michael joined Nikki and myself. We were given a hurried tour of the building that she lived in. From what I could tell, there were about three-four buildings that the children had access to, but I'm not sure of the details of them. Translation was sketchy at best. We did learn that Alex, our translator, had been on a duck hunt one day, and had run across this orphanage by accident. Not many people even knew of it's existance. We had absolute divine intervention on even finding this little girl.

I remembered the little girl that we had seen in some of the pictures that the adoption agency had sent us back in the states, who had been photographed with Nikki, and wondered if we would run into her. I kept my eyes open for her, at least wanting to meet her. There were so many children, watching our every move, it was difficult. We didn't get to spend much needed alone time with Nikk - which was sad because we had to drive three hours there and three hours back to Stavropol. As we walked through the halls of the orpahange, I could tell it was very clean, almost sterile smelling. We were lead to the bathrooms they had reserved for us. They were obviously Russian bathrooms, (and we beforehand, brought American toilet paper, yeah!) with course brown paper in them. The children were to use the holes outside, but that was what they were used to. I felt sorry for them, but it was their way of life and they didn't know any other. I met the cook, who was a jovial woman who was cheerful and happy as could be in spite of her circumstances, and she came and kissed me square on my lips! I was a bit taken back, but she was a breath of fresh air! The director was also very likable, and you could tell she really cared for the children.

We were put in a room - and Svet, Natasha and Nikki were there. I had some deoderant, lotion and things like that, and I had originally planned on leaving them just for Nikki. But I saw everyone's eyes bugging out, so I took the girls, and started to put the lotion on them. Just as I turned to get something else, Vinny said quietly, "Dana, look". I turned around, and there were about twenty five to thirty girls watching our every move from the doorway. They were clustered there, trying to look over each others shoulders. I also saw the girl in the picture with Nikki. Her name was Fatima. She was right smack dab in the middle. Vinny had our video camera going. He and I thought at the same time to go to the girls, and put lotion on them. So, I grabbed a bottle of lotion, and walked over to them. I put a generous amount on each girls arm, (there were a couple of boys there also!) and they were giggling like all get out!! The most remarkable thing that I saw, was that they just stood there and rubbed so slow and for so long, as if to savour the moment forever. I vowed that when I returned to Stavropol that evening, I would buy more lotion for those girls, and give it to them the next day, as we were coming back for one more day. As the girls stood there rubbing the lotion in, Vinny panned the camera into Fatima, and did a close up on her. She smiled this engaging smile, and put her cute little hand up and waved by her face. Vinny was instantly captivated. "Oh, you're gonna break my heart"! he exclaimed. I didn't really get to see that until later, because I was really really busy with the other girls.

The next thing I noticed immediately, was the teenagers, hot air, and no deoderant do NOT mix. WHEW! To the gang there, it mattered not, they were so conditioned to the smell. And it was not just the teenagers. It was everyone. I had to really try not to gag at certain times. So I mentally made a list for things to bring back. The girls and guys were dressed up in somewhat modern clothes. They were trying so hard to watch everything I was doing. I was heartsick. I was so overjoyed to be there with Nikki, yet the cloud that hang over me was one of despair knowing that these children were jealous, and upset that they weren't the ones being chosen. There was such a humble sweet beautiful spirit there. I would have taken them all home if I could have.

We finally got Nikki alone for about fifteen minutes. She let me put some makeup on her, and do her hair, while Vinny and Michael sat and talked about lead poisening and paint chips. Nikki seemed to understand how hot I was, (I was drenched) and tried to cool me with the little fan. I would ask her questions, Michael would translate, and she hardly said a word. She was content to just sit there and BE.

We came out of the room much too soon, and Vinny and I parted ways. I can't remember where Nikki took me - she showed me something, but when I came back to the main foyer, there sat my Sweetheart in the middle of the floor with all the children from the detsky dom . He he asked if anyone had any questions, and they all said "Dom". They wanted to see pictures of our house! We had made photo albums for the girls, so Vinny plopped down, and whipped the pictures out, and proceeded to show all the youth our home and surroundings. I was overcome. What a sweet simple gesture.

The children took us outside. They had very very old bathrooms. (of course). They showed us their "rooms". They were clean, but the beds were so so worn, and were nothing more than cots. Nikki clung to me the entire time. That was a story in and of itself. You see, we were the first Americans there since WW2 and the children (before we got there to visit her) had tried to tell Nikki that we wanted to sell her for body parts. In fact, it seems the whole village got involved in it. She was warned every which way possible. She was scared out of her wits, yet wanted so badly to believe that we were real, and really wanted her for her, and wanted to love her so very much. We were stunned when we heard the translation on that one!

The director invited us in for lunch. We went down very uneven clean concrete stairs. The "dining" arean was just a few rickety tables and a few old stools. I wondered where the kids ate. Did they eat on the floor as the grownups who cared for them ate at the tables? Adults, we were told, ate first. The table was laden with borsche, homemade bread, salad, sweet squash, rice, tea, tomato juice- some kind of hard cookie, and jam. It was filling. It was as if they went all out for us. I know they didn't eat like that every day. They are so thin over there. Maybe I should go live over there and eat borsche everyday!

After the kids took us back outside, they lined up on a swing and montioned me to sit with them. We tried to communicate - but I ended up just starting to sing - and they started laughing. So I got them to sing, and I watched as Fatima took over and basically ran the show. She really sang nice. Nikki sat right by me, holding onto me for dear life, and Svet sat on the other side. Natasha was no where to be found since the gift giving had been done. Well, I sang for them, and they dutifully appluaded. Then they sang again - and picked up the smallest, mattiest looking dog I have ever seen (in fact I've never seen a dog like that before) and told me through the translator the song had been about a dog.

We then took pictures of all of them, with promises to return tomorrow. Nikki did NOT want us to leave, and I did not want to leave her. She looked like the underdog, like someone whose voice didn't get heard much, and I didn't like that at all. I wanted her to have a voice. She needed to know how precious she was. I just felt so bad because we just did not get alone time with her because of so many other teenagers. But it had been a wonderful experience, and I wouldn't trade it.

We left- with promises to return tomorrow. Nikki waved to us until we could no longer see her.

Meeting Nikki for the first time

2007-12-10T10:05:00.000-08:00

Today was the day!! This was the day of all days! As excited as I had been to meet my daughter Cami, I was just as excited to meet the little angel who had called me half way around the world. I breathed deep and tried to remained composed. I was just so darn excited!! It was a three hour drive from Stavropol to a little town called Bolsha Dohlgah. I remember Alex the driver driving ever so fast. We went out of the city, and suddendly we were just surrounded by nothing. It was if we had once again discovered a place that was so different, so old.. I really don't know how to explain it. But - it was interesting scenery, and there was certainly much to talk about on the way there, and talk we did. We talked about Cami- and the experience there. One of the experiences I forgot to write in the last blog was that in Cami's orphanage, before we left to take her for the day, we had been sitting waiting for her in a gymnasium. She was brought to us, and she was like a little monkey, climbing ropes, jumping here to there, and all very impressive. They had a very old piano in the room, and she went over and started to softly bang on it. I know - an oxymoron? But she was trying to be quiet because they didn't want her to play it. Well, me and my stubborness attitude... I walked over, and picked her up, sat her on my lap, and played "falling in love with you" I sang it to her ever so soft, and she listened so intently. She watched in fascination as my fingers went up and down on the piano - and then she tried to copy them. It was one of the sweetest moments I have ever had in my life. To this day, that song is me and Cami's song.

At any rate - talking of Cami - and being excited to see Nikki - was really exciting. I remember it being SO hot. The van didn't have an air conditioner in it, nor did the hotel. I had severe hot flashes and was very uncomfortable. My feet were getting swollen. The ride grew harder and harder. And then Suddenly. Another step back into time. We drove into a very small remote village. I felt like I was in the nineteen thirties or nineteen forties, or in some parts, in the musical, "Fiddler On the Roof"!

We saw big wagons overflowing with wheat, cows,donkeys etc. The women had old sunworn scarves on their heads. We pulled up to the orphanage, and I wasn't prepared at all for what was coming. Oh, let me go back a bit. On the way to the orphanage, Alex, our driver, informed us that Katja (Nikki) had two sisters!!!! THERE! We were dumbfounded and shocked beyond belief. We knew she had siblings by reading all her reports, but had no clue where they were at. We had repeatedly asked our adoption agency for information about them for about three or four months and they kept telling us that they had no idea where her sisters were. We were so taken back - I have a better word. I WAS ANGRY. Why didn't they tell us?? It left a lot of unanswered questions, and now, just as we were getting there, we get the biggest surprise of our trip.

The next thing that left me completely unprepared, was the children that came out. They were teenagers. TEENAGERS. We were greeted with a lot of curiousity. It was unfortunatly for me, very very hot. The building was so old, parts of it looked as if it were falling apart, or had been for quite some time. Many of the youth "checked us out". The building had cement floors - cement walls, it was void of pictures and smelled of aniseptic of some sort, and you could hear some noises from children far from us. The ones around us whispered and giggled and pointed. We were finally invited into the directors office. My little Nikki was already sitting there. My heart was captivated immediately. She was older looking and her hair had grown out from the pictures I have of her. She was so very small, but had the face of an angel! I held my arms out to her, and she came to me. She was very shy, but she cuddled right up on my lap. She had me hook, line and sinker. Compared to Cami - who is very headstrong, a leader, type A personality, stubborn, etc (I could already tell that), Nikki was very quiet, sweet, almost painfully shy. She had a hot wool skirt on, that was so so old. She had an old rag of a shirt on. My heart ached for her, she looked like a ragamuffin and rightfully so.

They finally took us to a room, and went and got Nikki's sisters, Svet, and Natasha. Both sisters have different fathers than Nikki from what the director said. Nikki isn't that close to either of them, but they wouldn't leave her side, and vice versa. In fact, Svet, who was about fifteen at the time, would put her arm through mine and call me "mamma". It broke my heart. Vinny and I had decided we didn't want to go over ten years of age, because of any problems of older children and the possibility of not being able to mold and teach them in a structuered family inviroment. At any rate, it still broke my heart. Natasha really didn't seem to care that we were there, other than the fact that we had a suitcase for Nikki. I tried to tell Michael, our translator to tell the girls that I did not know that they would be there or I would have brought things for them also. I did break up a few gifts of Nikki's between the two sisters, and they seemed to be happy with that, but obviously rightfully so, they were jealous.

I showed Nikki that I kept a picture of her around my neck in a locket, and she smiled so sweet. She didn't talk for awhile, just "dah" (yes) to any questions. She had the cutest little voice ever. It was lower and sleepy sounding, adding to her charm. Vinny left the room so she could change into one of her new outfits. I was delighted to hear her jabber and just talk like crazy. I would point and show her things, and she would talk like she was ansewring back. She changed into her new clothes, without hesitation or reservation. She loved her cookie monster undershirt as did Cami when I gave her one. It was so cute though, she didn't seem to understand that this was to go on under a shirt, and so everytime I would hand her a top, she would take of the cookie monster shirt, and then I would say "nyet" (no) and she would put it back on - we were laughing so. Finally - I just let her keep the undershirt on - it was so hot out anyways, it probably felt so good after that woolen skirt she had on.

I had been sweating profusely the whole day. I almost felt like I was having a little bit of heat exhaustion. I had brought a little fan, battery operated, and hand held to help me cool down some. Nikki was entranced by it. Also - both girls had been given new shoes. Cami's had lit up on the sides. When I had gone to help Nikki put her shoes on, I caught my breath. The poor little waif had the worst bunions I have ever seen on ANYONE. Her poor little feet were so bad. I later found out when she was able to communicate, that she was forced to wear shoes that never fit her, and got used to not saying anything (the quiet girl that she was) She just sat back and never said anything - but they didn't have a lot of shoes anyways. I did find out later (and you will find that out in new posts) that some children were very A personality and got what they wanted, and made sure they were the "survivor" ones. Nikki had just let herself fall to the wayside, as if it didn't matter to her what she wanted. For once I let her know that it was OK and that I wanted her to have the world. She meant that much to me.

And off we go!

2007-12-09T09:21:00.001-08:00

WOW. Stavropol. It is a beautiful but poor city. It is about the size of Orem, Utah. As you around, it seems familiar, yet distant. There was so much to take in. The spelling on the doors (the shops) the streets. All around, people were walking.

We had a nice hotel room. We looked out the window and watched. It was busy in the morning, and people were going to work. All the women were nicely dressed. But, as we had found out as soon as we got there, everyone did not smell the sweetest. They needed money for bread more than they needed it for deoderant.

We went down to eat our breakfast. It was in the hotel itself. Many people were staring at the "American's". We really didn't know what to order, so we tried to smile and point - and they tried to smile and point back. I think we had some kind of coupon that we got to use for the breakfast, and soon our food was on the way. This is where I thought I was really in Russia.
They served us weird colored, light hot dog? for breakfast. With eggs and toast. I gagged at the hot dog. I couldn't believe they were serving it at breakfast, and yet, we were in a different country. We had also been warned not to drink the water. We bought all water in bottles, or soft drinks in bottles.

After the meal, we went up to the room and started the waiting game. We had to sit there and wait for Alex, our coordinator to call us in our room and tell us it was ok for the orphanage where Vika was, that they would finally allow us to come and see her.
When we were finally summoned, we were excited. We took the luggage I had packed for her, and got in the van with so much excitement and anticipation.

We got to the Detsky Dom (the orphanage) and started to play another waiting game. Several woman who seemed rather brisk looked us up and down, sometimes disapprovingly. I strongly believe it was because someone had been there before to get this litte child and did not follow through on it, and they didn't want it to happen again. They didn't know they had met their match. That child was MINE!! As Vinny had once called his baby sister, this little child was "me mine all mine!".

Vika. Vika whose name we would change to Camilla. So, I will call her Cami from here on out. You will get the specifics on all the girls names later. But let me tell you about Cami.

Cami was absolutely STUNNING. She was beautiful. She was a bit reserved, no one could blame her for that. She had somewhat of a cough that day. Her hair was longer than we had seen in one of her pictures. In one of the first pictures we had ever seen of her, her head had been shaved like a marine, and you could still tell how beautiful she was. Now, it was short, boyish, and she was a doll.

Her orphanage seemed to be like some sort of a run down pre-school. Little did we know that after we saw Nikki's orphanage, Cami's orphanage would seem to be a high class pre-school. We did a little walk through, and though we were not permitted to see much that first day, we were there!! We had been told we would not be allowed to take Cami from the grounds of the orphanage. That really disappointed us. We would only be there for three days total to see her, and they would not let us take her that day? For shame! So, they sat us in some sort of gymnasium, and we waited.

Suddenly, one of the personnel came in. After an exchange of Russian barrage of words, our translator turned to us.
"They are going to let you take Cami today after all" he said. WHAT?? We were floored! Something we originally were told no was now about to happen.

They brought Cami to me, and she immediatly climbed on my lap. She was so sweet, and seemed very tenderhearted. So small for a six year old. So thin. I felt to sing to her, and so I did. Then we went in some rooms, and talked to a lot of Dr's and phychlogists, and they asked us many questions as to why we wanted her and not another child there. We were very astute in our answers. I answered completely and openly from my heart. Finally, it seemed as if they were somewhat satisfied in the answers we had given them. They almost ordered us that when we took her for the short time we would be allowed to have her that day, she would have to take a nap. It was a daily routine she was accustomed to. They ushered Cami into the room.

We bundled her up in our arms, and got in the van. We first went with Michael and Alex, to a little restaurant, to get a bite to it. Cami seemed ok, but a bit distant. It was an outside eating venue, and we soon were whisked away to the hotel for some much needed time with Cami. We got a wonderful surprise, when we found out that Alex and Micheal were not going to stay and chaperone as we thought they would be. Cami came into the room with us. She seemed so happy.. and you should have seen her face, as she went through her luggage and found all of her new clothes. She was so excited, she loved her "jeans". Most of all, she loved her barbies. She was fascinated with our cell phones, (although they didn't work in Russia, we had taken them so we could call our family as soon as we got back on US soil). Vinny soon had her playing a game of pretend talking on phone ("here the phone is for you" " no, here, the phone is for you") and she seemed to be having a great time.

Then Cami opened the bathroom door. Her eyes grew as big as dollar bills when she saw my makeup out. She was enthralled. She ran to it, and started jabbering. We have it all on video. She put that makeup on like she was a pro. Kinda scary in a way, because she was only six, but it was so so cute! She had SO much on, and she was just talking and talking and talking. She was in heaven. Oh, the joy of being six and finding makeup!

When she came out of the bathroom, Cami suddendly spied my medication that I had to have on my trip with me. She literally freaked out. She started to repeat "Detsky Dom" over and over and over again. She was crying almost hysterically. We didn't know what to do to calm her down. Somewhere in my mind, I wondered if she had been given some meds that she had absolutely hated , and she was scared to death. She has such a little girl high pitch voice, and her screams got louder and louder. I think she finally realized for the first time she was alone with us. She was scared and frightened. I felt so bad for her. We finally had to go get one of the maids from the hotel to talk to her and calm her down somewhat. We didn't know what they said to her, but they were kind and we were re-assured. I took Cami in and showed her a big scar on my foot, ( I had surgery before we had gone over to Russia) and tried to show her that the meds were for my feet. She seemed to be calm and seemed to understand that the meds were mine and not to be given to her.

Finally Alex and his wife Luba showed up. They took us to the "Zoo". The Zoo was the poorest looking thing I have ever been to. The animals were sickly looking. It was so hot there. It was very humid and filled with mosquitoes and sick looking trees. There was even a sick looking dog in the Zoo. Hardly any animals, yet we tied a balloon to Cami's wrist and let her look. She was fascinated with the animals.

While we were walking through the trees, in the middle of the forest, the Zoo, the "carnival" if you must, my mouth dropped to the ground. I saw ELDERS!!!!!! Elders from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! I was overjoyed. We went to them and they were as surprised to see us as we were to see them!!! It was a wonderful time, and I was so glad to see the Lord's work progressing over there. Who would have thought that we would have found missionaries over there?? What a treat for us.

We finally dropped Cami back off at the orphanage and had a chance to meet all the little ones whom she associated with. They hugged and kissed us and called us momma and poppa. Talk about breaking your heart. They all wanted to come with us. I knew Cami was our daughter, but Good Grief!! Why or don't more people adopt?? And why does it just have to be babies?? There are so so many little kids everywhere that need a good home. Unfortunately, there is so much red tape, that a lot of people just give up. And that to me is unjustified. Shame on the system. Give the kids a home - full of love! At any rate, as we left, watching Cami with her peers, we heard them all chanting "Vika, Vika, Vika." She stood there clutching a fistful of all day suckers we had bought for all the children, and by the look on her face, and the grip of her hand, they weren't going to go anywere.

We didn't want to leave, but our first day with Cami had ended.

On the way to Stavropol

2007-12-08T14:38:00.000-08:00

We woke up the next morning filled with a lot of anticipation and apprehention. It was the day to fly to Stavropol. We hurridly packed and got ready for our chauffer and translator Sergey to come and pick us up. He drove us to Red Square and the to Lenins tomb! We saw the cathedrals, the changing of the guards. We still can't believe we are in Russia. We never in our wildest dreams thought we would be on this soil. There are apts everywhere instead of homes. The city is much bigger than I thought it would be. We toured with Surgey for about five hours.

I will never forget the images seared in my brain.The soldiers were young, not much older than Morgan's age. All the woman to my surprise, were dressed very, very nice, almost to the point of revealing. They had very pointed shoes, almost like that of an elf. We took a lot of pictures. It sees everyone smokes. Men kiss each other square on the mouth, like lovers, only it's just "salutations" or "goodbyes". It is such a melting pot there. Every nation, every culture, walking together. I never thought Moscow would be like that at all.

When we made it to the second airport for our trip to Stavropol, it was unbelievable. It looked like a run down military camp. Stark- dark, and quiet. Not many people. However, we had to walk outside the termial and wait for a bus to drive us to the waiting plane. That was quite a shock - so different from here in the United States. It was then that my heart stopped and stood still for a moment. They boarded us onto a plane that was the oldest, third world country, gutted out 707 without seatbelts or overhead compartments. Going business class from Washington DC to Moscow was so nice - much leg room and pillows, blankets and three course meals.

This 707 was so old. It was so hot. My so called "seatbelt" was broken - and my chair was in a reclining position. Fortunatly, I slept a lot. When we landed, it was on the darkest runway/ aeroport I could imagine. No lights. No anything. It was just like the movies. I was waiting for the KGB to come out or something. The hair on the back of my neck was standing up. It was SO quiet. They just let us off of the plane and a group of us walked the darkened runway to a building, ( a terminal?) where we waited in the dark for our luggage. Nobody talked. It's like an unspoken word not to say anything there, people are afraid to talk there.

There - we met Alex,our adoption coordinator, Michael, our translator, and another Alex that was to be our chauffer.
Tonight we are exhausted once again. Tomorrow we get to meet Vika for the first time.

On our way to see the two bugs, Nikki and Cami

2007-12-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

On the plane, going to Moscow, I delved into the paperwork that I had received regarding Vika. It had so much information in it - I couldn't believe it. I literaly was reading my soon to be daughter's life story. I had it in my hand. She had a Grandmother who cared for her - and she loved her dearly. Vika had been terribly abused, and was such a little survivor. I felt tears well up again and again as I read the information about her. The most disturbing info was why these people didn't want her. At that time, they had gone to see her, and had taken her clothing, had their first visit, everything - then changed their mind. All I could think about was Vika. Did that hurt her? Was she too young to know the difference?

The plane ride was long. So long and tiresome. But what a thrill when we landed in Moscow. The walk down into the airport was amazing unto itself. The ceiling looked like upside down coffee cans. There were about five hundred people that were standing, waiting to go through passports. It was hushed. Kinda weird. We were packed like sardines, and it was hot and miserable. We stood there about three hours before we were ushered through one of five people who checked the passports.
We finally made it through, There to greet us was the man who was to be our translator and chauffer in Moscow. He helped us with our bags, and helped us to a car. He spoke broken english, and was so nice. Very kind and likeable. He helped us get to our hotel, which was the Marriott. We were exhausted, but excited. There were so many cars, going as fast as they liked, and we were one of them. HA! It was amazing to me that we made it there.

We got to our room FINALLY, after going through a long ordeal again with the passports, (which we would find to be the norm) and settled down for a nap - or sleep of some kind. Vinny fell asleep immediately. But sleep didn't come easily to me, as I knew the next day we would be on another plane headed to Stavropol, Russia. My thoughts were flying. I still thought of the girls, and I had their pictures clutched in my hand. I looked at their faces, and tried to breathe deep. I was there. I was THERE. The thought of it all was overwhelming, and I said a prayer of thanksgiving that we had made it there safe, and laid down and tried to get some rest. It didn't come - but I did try.

After a bit, we got up and decided to walk around a bit. Before we came to Russia, we were told not to really look like "American's" and just blend in. Well, that was almost impossible, because I had my Russion Dictionary Handbook for Dummy's with me, and another dictionary that translated. I tried very hard to use some of my new found language that I had picked up, but most of all, it was funny. The people we met were very good to us. Changing money was weird. You would go to a "window" where you couldn't see anyone, put your money in - and you could see hands changing your money into Russian currency, and handing it back out to you. What a weird ATM. Sometimes you would have to go in little buildings to do that. All in all, it was a new experience, one never to be forgotton.

Time to go back and eat. As we sat in the restaurant, we met a couple who told us a horror story about how long they had been there to adopt a baby girl they had with them, and all the money and extra time it had cost, and the red tape, and honestly it scared me to death. The man was on his way home the next day, the woman was staying with the baby she had thought she was taking home the week before, and she didn't know how long she would be there. I can't say that I wasn't frightened after that conversation. WOW. Was this too much?

With much anticipation AND trepidition, we went to our room and went to bed. Tomorrow would come soon, and we would be on our way to meet two little girls.

Another bug

2007-11-21T13:02:00.000-08:00

Vinny was true to his word. Fifteen minutes later he showed up at the door. I was still sitting there, gazing at this waif of a girl, a six year old little gir, who looked frightened beyone description. Terrified was more the word. Vinny walked over to the computer. He stared and didn't say anything. Finally, breaking the silence, the question was different this time. "Do you think she could love ME?" he asked? Then, taking my hand, we knelt down right there at the computer chair, and offered up a prayer. This time it was different. We asked if we thought if taking on another child was too much. We asked if taking a child that young would work. We didn't really know what to pray for, we just knew we had to pray.

As we got up from our prayer, we both received confirmation at the same time, that this tiny little child was to become ours. I instantly picked up the phone and called the adoption agency. I have to interject here, that the site I was looking at for adoption, showed many many sites that had different adoption agencies. We had no clue if this little girl belonged to our agency. If she didn't, we would not be able to adopt her, because it would just be too difficult to start a process all over again and go through another waiting period for another child.

The phone rang, and someone answered at the other end. I was absolutely stunned (as were they) when they told me they had just put the picture of Vika (Victoria) up fifteen minutes ago!!! Was she available?? I listened in unbelieveable silence as they told me the story.

Vika, it seemed, had a family that had gone over to adopt her. They had made their first visit. But, after the initial visit, they decided they didn't want her!! They didn't want her???? My heart broke when I heard that. I asked if we could start the adoption procedures immediately. They were very hesitant, because it was late in the day, and she had just been posted. So, we reached a compromise. They told me to call back first thing in the morning, and they would let me know, when their supervisor got in.

All night I kept looking at that picture, along with Katja (Ekatarina) and wondered what I was getting myself into. One, was ok. And she was nine. But six?? Was I sure?? And I had just found her that night!! Was I crazy?? We prayed and we felt the spirit whisper to us that we were to proceed with this.

The next morning, at about nine am, I started calling the agency again. I was dumbfounded when I was told that during four thirty pm and five pm the evening before, and starting at eight am that morning, about seventy people had called wanting her. She was blonde and hazel eyed, something that American's really wanted. But, because I had called fifteen minutes after she had been posted, they decided to "wait" for me to see if I still wanted her in the morning! Did I? they asked? I was so happy, I cried. Of course I did.

So, we started another long ordeal because this little girl called to us. She was in Stavropol. My question was this. Could we go see her at the same time?? Of course the agency had no answers - except for the ones they had given us with Nikki. She might not be there, she might be gone, yadda yadda yadda. But we pressed on, determined not to be discouraged.

We soon discovered that we would be allowed to see Vika when we went to see Nikki. We were on cloud nine!! Of course - there was paper work galore, and we were somewhat disgusted with everything that we ended up having to do. Money this, money that, paper this, paper that. It was so time consuming, and if you didn't have everything just right, they would make you do everything all over again. Sometimes, even if you had everything all right, they would make you do it all over again anyways. We were exhausted before we even went.

The big day came. We were finally allowed to get our passports and travel to Moscow and then on to Stavropol. There are no words to even describe the way we were feeling. We had been asked by our agency to take take some papers to Stavropol with us, to give to the agency over there, for other children who were being adopted by them, We agreed. They sent us the papers, and off we went. Just before we reached the airport, one of the top folders fell open, and much to my surprise, there was a letter from the lady who had been in Stavropol to adopt Vika!! We couldn't believe it. She had to write a letter telling the Russian Federation why she didn't want to go through the adoption. She was from Utah (of all places) and there was a phone number for her. Of course I wrote it down. I felt like this was divine intervention so I could get information on a little girl who was about to become my daughter.

And that will continue to be another story...

Nikki

2007-11-20T17:14:00.000-08:00

The year was 2004. Vinny and I already had eight kids between the two of us. Morgan was getting ready for his last year of high school. He was the last one standing. Dang it felt good. So - a life of ease and comfort sounded pretty darn good. Until...

We happened to be on the internet one day - and I was looking at some pictures of an orphanage in Stavropol, Russia. As I was going through the pictures, just looking and my heart aching for these children, suddendly I saw this girl. A beautiful girl with haunting eyes. She looked so scared and unsure. I could not look away from those eyes. Vinny and I had known a family that had adopted two little boys from Russia - but they were babies. And we were older. So, I had thought I would take a look. But to find that little girl that fast - was something that I really didn't expect.

The first thing I did was to call Vinny up from his office. At the time, he worked from home. I showed him the picture of this little girl - nine year old "Katja". He looked at her. And then he looked at me. "Could you love her?" he asked? The question burned deep into my heart. Could I? I kept looking at her, with tears in my eyes, pretty sure right then that I already did. Love is a funny thing you know. It can grab you by the heart when you are least expecting it.

Vinny and I really started talking seriously about adopting. I kept looking at that little girl every day. We told our grown children, and got mixed reviews. "Oh, you are too old", we were told. Others told us that we had enough kids and didn't need anymore. All were valid points, and we listened to all. One earnestly told us that they would support us through anything we wanted to do.

So, we started to pray. And to fast. We prayed and fasted for a long time. We went to the Temple and poured our hearts out to Heavenly Father about adoption. We started wondering if we were talking ourselves into something. And then the miracle came.

We were sitting in church a few Sundays later, and it was a combined Relief Society and Priesthood meeting. We were watching a video. President Hinckley was speaking, and it was all about adoption!! Most of it was about babies, but he ended it with something like "if you have room in your hearts to adopt, and the means to do so - I would encourage all that can to adopt."

Vinny and I sat there with tears streaming down our faces. We had been told. Now, it was time to find out if that hauntingly
beautiful girl on the computer was real, if she was really up for adoption. We started calling the adoption agency listed the next day. They carefully explained that the picture was maybe a year old, and maybe someone had already adopted her, and it could be possible that she was just there for a camera picture to show that children are there for adoption.

I knew different. I felt it in my heart. Many nights, as I looked at her, my heart would literally ache, wondering -is she cold, is she hungry? Did she have a bed to sleep in?? She was so thin in her picture, and even though they had tried to "dress her up" with a dress and a doll, you could tell the conditions around her were not good. I worried over her.

We started the adoption proceedings. We knew that this was going to be a long journey. We were told it would take up to two years at the longest. And - at worst, we could get there, and she would be gone. The prayers to Heavenly Father were daily and intense on her behalf.

Then, another miracle. Somehow, someone at the adoption agency got someone from Russia to send some more pictures of this little girl!! We were so excited!! They told us to be cautious, but we threw caution to the wind, and we delighted in the pure joy of seeing more of her! We also noticed that there were a few pictures of her that showed her with another girl. We had no clue who that was, but we were so happy to see this little girl.

We talked about names for her. If the adoption went through, would she want to change her name? We were already calling her Nikki. I don't know why - we just were. She was our Nikki bug, and thats all there was to it.

So the real test started. Paper work and paper work and paper work. It was unending and unnerving. There were times we honestly felt like giving up - there was so much red tape on BOTH sides of the two countries. The money involved was ridiculous, and everyone and their attorney wanted paycheck after paycheck after payckheck. Sometimes it was a pure mess, and required all day work. Vinny had the brunt of this part of the operation, and I stood by his side and cheered him on. We carefully tried to make sure every single paper was done correctly, but at times got very discouraged, because they would send papers back to us. Who were "they"? The government, the agency, the Russian Federation. All over a little nine year old girl who just needed a family to love her. What had we gotton ourselves into?

The process had started in March. We really pushed and pushed the agency. I think they got tired of my endless calls.. reminding them of this or that, or asking impatienly for things I knew they couldn't do for me right then. I was like a lion, trying to protect her cubs.

We were finally told that sometime in June or July we would be able to fly over there for our first visit to Russia to see the orphanges. They were VERY careful to explain that maybe Nikki would not be there, that there would be many orphanages to see, and many children to choose from. We would be flying into Moscow, and from there take a three hour flight into Stavropol, Russia. From there, we would drive a three hour drive to a town called Bohlsha Dolhgah. We were delirious with joy. FINALLY! And March to June was NOT a long time. Our friends who had adopted the two little boys were amazed. They didn't get their first trip for months and months. Through our journey with the adoption agency we had met other couples adopting, and they had been waiting a very long time. They were all shocked and happy at our news!

I went on a wild spending spree, buying clothes for this nine year old who looked like she was six. I bought shoes. I had no idea what size she was - so I guessed. I bought her some toys.. some hair pieces, and things like that. I was on cloud nine. I was already starting to pack, and we weren't even leaving for about six weeks.

So, six weeks before we left, as usual, I was sitting on the internet looking at this sweet angel's face again, and suddenly, out of no where, (literally) up popped this tiny, beautiful, scared to death, blonde, hazel eyed six year old. She had bruises everywhere. I gasped. The poor thing looked like she wanted to bolt. Like she trusted no one. "Get off the computer, Dana", my mind said... but I couldn't. All I could do was call Vinny. He would be home in fifteen minutes he said.

And that.. starts a whole different story.